testing

Eighty-Five

2007-08-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

Went to tuition yesterday.

I was sitting there, with friends, and everyone was quietly minding their own business because we all had work to do. Suddenly I felt my handphone vibrating in my pocket, so I took it out. Look at it. Got an sms from Mas that said

Mus won!

Right there and then I screamed , "OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!"

Naturally, people turned to stare at me. But what do I care? Mus won! I'm so proud of her, and it was such great news! I would have kept screaming if there weren't anyone else there.

:))))) (Because I got double chin)

Went to the mosque today, like I do every other Sunday. Brought my new sketchbook and colour pencils around. Sketched my bottle and the window in front. It was quite okay lah. Maybe it's because I feel like I've drawn one face too many - faces are all I can ever draw - so I'm going to go for something else now. Learn new things. Learn to draw all proper. Nice!

Two Nights Ago

Sabrina was asleep. I was not.

Me: *nudges her* Sabriiinaaaaaa....

Nina: *turns to me, eyes open* DIAMLAH, BODOH!!!!!!!

Me: *jaws drop open* I BEG your pardon?? Kurang ajar eh!

Nina: Diam ah! Diam ah!

(Silence)

Me: *starts to laugh* Nina mengigau eh?

Nina: Nina tak mengigau lah!

Me: *still grinning* abeh nka diam buat ape?

Nina: Nanti kan orang dengar!

Me: Orang ape?

Nina: Orang kat luar ke! Orang kat dapur ke........*snores*

She didn't remember a thing when she woke up. HiLArious.

Eighty-Four

2007-07-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

Congruent Triangles are MURDER, man.

It should be against the law to have to do so many mind-numbing question all in the same day. The same thing, 27 times! Over and over again!

Sick, man, sick.

Eighty-Four

2007-07-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

Some people just don't deserve to be on Earth. They should go straight to hell.

Lol lol hello! Nice morning, isn't it? Yes it is!

Losing my steam lately. I've been having a great couple of weeks. I try very very hard to pay attention at school, and I immediately (?) study once I get home. I've been working on living and eating healthy, and when I'm free I plop myself down and draw faces.

But now I'm all burned out from just doing so much. I can't listen to anyone for long because then my head would hurt and I'd feel so restless I just want to walk away. I would like to say something and have someone actually respond, but there's nothing for me to say and even if there was, no one's interested. I would love to get all my homeworks done on the dot, but I look at all the books and I just can't concentrate. Excercising? Forget it: too tiring. Even drawing is beginning to lose its charm: I've got to learn to draw something else other than faces.

So there. Weird, oui? Only the first month of school has passed and already I'm fizzling out. I don't know how Mus does it.

I've got to figure out a way to recharge myself.

On a lighter note: just got myself addicted to '100 years'! God, I'm such a noob. HahackZ.

I love Five for Fighting! And the Fray, ooh!

A happy, happy birthday to Dinah and Anna, yaaaay!!!

And from me, too!

It was either THAT video, or the 'Happy Birthday Belly Dance' one.

Eighty-Three

2007-06-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

Well. 2nd last days of the holidays.

Schools in other countries that have their summer vacation have it lucky.

Three months! THREE months of VACATION, I tell you!!

Is that fair, I ask you? Is it? Huh? HUH??!

But, oh well, who cares what little ol' me (well, actually, I'm pretty big, hardly little. I'm so big that there aren't enough letters in the word 'big' to appropriately describe my bigness. Nah, I'm just kidding. But I'm digressing here) is ranting about me? Even I get bored with myself. Sometimes, when I'm about to go to sleep, or when I'm all alone with nothing to distract me, my head will go, "Hey, hey Dee, guess what? Your armpit is really itchy! Betcha wanna scratch it, doncha? Huh? Huh? Doncha? Go on! Scratch it! No one will see! Tee hee! I know you wanna!", and I'll be all, "Shaddup, you little midget."

And oh yes, I went to Malaysia!

Same old, same old, but it was a really nice trip, really good. It rankled me to see all those people staring at us, and it rankled me to feel watched all the time, but hey, what can I say? We stand out like (well-dressedd) sore thumbs over there. We not only dress different and act different, we talk different, too.

Mona: Um, excuse me. (holds up a hairband) Ni berape?

Salesgirl: Lapan belas, sembilan puluh Ringgit.

Mona:......... Um, ok, how much is that in English?

Salesgirl: ........

Well, okay, the salesgirl didn't really stare at Mona in silence. She did nicely translate it for Mona, that silly-billy (Mona, I mean, not the salesgirl). But don't you just love those periods?

..........................................................................................................................................................................

......................................................///dskjdfkdf.............................................................................................

And I did not copy paste those periods, you know. *smiles proudlly*

Going to spend the whole day of tomorrow at Pulau Ubin with the whole Aba's-side family. So I gotta pack for school today!

Eighty -Two, Yes

2007-06-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I had a greaaaaat day yesterday.

Went out with the gang to the Asian Civilisations Museum. It was tons of fun.
It was too bad Mus couldn't be there, though (we didn't forget you!).

We went to have breakfasta at Mc Dee before that. Then we went to the museum. Gerekk!!
After that, we walked along to the underground mall to check out some cool shops that Fiq and Anna pointed out.
Then we headed over to Tampines Mall to get ice cream- well, I did, anyway. They went to some other places after that. I had to get home.

It was a looong day, and there's a lot to talk about, but really, there is just SO much.
SOOOO much, that I can't be bothered to type about them all!!
:D

But if I were to summarize it quickly, I'd go like this.

"Arrived at McD with Fiq. Waited for the others. They were late. Everyone wore dresses except for me and Mun. Ate hotcakes with sausage and Milo. Didn't finish the hotcakes. Went to the station after 45 mins. Sat there listening to songs in my handphone and got drunk and crazy from there. Arrived at City Hall with rain POURING down. Dinah got the hiccups. We ran in the rain to a bus stop. Got a taxi. They squeeeezed in the back. We went to the museum. Ran in the rian some more. Got the tickets (more than I thought, sorry guys). Went in.

Absolutely AMAZING galleries in there. Spent plenty of time going around. Glad they enjoyed them. The best was the Islamic gallery: gereekkk. Ooh-ed and Aah-ed. Played drums! Also played games in the Indian gallery: VERY NOISY. Anna third! :P Dinah had to go home first.
We went to the toilet. Then we left. Rain had stopped."

Yeahh....

A Very Short Conversation Fiq and I Had While Waiting for The ~~Late~~ Dudes at McDees

Me: So, have you gone anywhere abroad this holiday?
Fiq: No... Have you?
Me: No...
Fiq: I thought you always went to Malaysia?
Me: Not this year, no.

YES this year, YES!
It's very sudden. There hasn't been any warning at all.
All of the suddent, out of the blue, my dad booked a room in a hotel in KL for 2N3D.
Sure, maybe it's not as impressive as some of you people's (your guys? you guys'?) holidays, but heck, it's better than nothing, and I'd gladly take it.
Ciao!

Eighty-One, I hope

2007-06-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

Ba and Nina and all the others are into this crazy game they made up. What they do is that they stack all these plastic cups into a pyramid, and then swoooosh them all back into one stack of cups in the fastest time possible. They keep challenging each other all night. They're now at 1.40 seconds (Aba's record time). They're probably not going to stop until they reach 0.0 second(s?).

Ba: I'm not statisfied (yes, STAtisfied). I'm going to beat that record.
Me: It's just a game. Winning doesn't count, right?
Ba: Of course it does.
Ma: The reason you enter a game, is to win.
Me: What kind of message are you saying here, exactly? We play games to, you know, have fun and gain knowledge. Stuff like that.
Ma: Pssh. Only losers say that.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
Ahahahaha...
Hahah...
Hah....
Huh.
Uh....
H.....

Good night!

after drinking a beauty potion]
Donkey: I don't *feel* any different. Do I look any different?
Puss-in-Boots: You still look like an ass to me.

Seventy? Eighty?

2007-06-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

Hey, hey, get a load of this:

"Kau memang penuh omong kosong!"

HarHarHar.

Not a good sentence to translate.
So funny to hear it in Malay!
The things you learn from television.... *sighs happily*

Seventy-Nine

2007-06-06T05:11:00.000-07:00

I switch on the computer after days of not being able to play it.
I log on.
Check out deviantart. 5 mins.
Check out my email. 2 mins.
Then.......

Blurr..........

It always, always works this way. You yearn to play the computer with every fibre of your being for days and days on end. Want it so much until 'mandi tak basah, makan tak kenyang, berak tak puas' and everything. And then, when you finally switch it on, what happens?

Blurr...........

Aisey Man.

I recently went out with the sisters a couple of days ago.
Here's a conversation I had in the bus with Mona and Nina.
It wasn't really a conversation.

The bus smelled really, really REALLY bad (there were durians in there), and I wanted to tell this to the Little Ones. Since I obviously couldn't say it outloud (they were on the seats across me), I started to sign-language them.

Me: (finger spelling) B... A...U
Nina: Uhuh, uhuh....
Me: T...A...I....K...
Nina:.... Huh?
Me: (spells again)
Nina: *aloud* B-A-U T-A-I-K.... what does that spell, Mona?
Mona: I donno. Hmm....
Me: BAU TAIK LAH, BAU TAIIIIIIKKKKK!!!!

True story, I swear.

Seventy-Eight

2007-05-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

Arr, yesterday was a good day. Went out in the morning, jalan jalan jalan, crawl crawl crawl, fly fly fly, then balikk. Makan, sapu rumah, watched Spongebob and Malcom in the Middle (kelakar nak mampos!) . Then main computer, thennnn...

drawdrawdrawdrawdrawdrawsolatberakdrawdrawdrawdraw

saaaaaampai malam. Around 11.30 gituk? Yeah, then I went to sleep. I would have stayed up later, but I wanted to have enough sleep to wake up early today. To draw.

Haha crazy I know. But I'm learning. It's good fun when it's done.

Camp tomorrow. I haven't packed yet, and don't plan to do it until later this evening. There's a lot to pack! Bantal, selimut, tuala, baju-baju... I don't know how I'm going to pack it all in one bag. Su reckons we're all going to have to bring lugagges, which makes sense, but would be weird for a two-days-one-night thing.

And report book on Wednesday! Hurray! :T

I'm glad I borrowed books yesterday. We can borrow eight now! I went wild in the library. :)

Seventy-who-knows-how-many

2007-05-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

I'm in the school lab right now.
It's the school's fun fair today.
And at the moment, I'm having a blast.
I better talk about it now while everything's still fresh in my head.

I arrived at around 1130 with my 'rents, Mona and Nina. The sight that greeted us was amazing. The place was teeming with people at first sight; but upon entering the canteen/carpark area I saw that there a whole lotta more people in there. Only 1130, and the place was beggining to be swarming with people! There were mostly food stalls down there, but further down the back there were also stalls selling clothes and offering games for kids (I saw an adult playing that candle game too, haw-haw, so cute).

First I met up with Su and Fathin and Mardhiah and Syuhada (who gave me a surprise half-hug, I don't know what you call it). Then I went off, naturally, to the Western food stall. Yum!

With Mona and Nina at my side, I scanned the table. So many choices! Soup, foldover or the shephard pie?? I took my time deciding which food to buy - which turned out to be a big mistake.

POP! A teacher appeared beside me out of nowhere.
POP! A cameraman appeared right beside her.
Right then and then I decided to leave immeadiately. Danger is always, ALWAYS afoot when a teacher and a camerman simultaneously pops right beside you. I know. I've had experience.

Just as I was aboutto grab Diabolical Duo (Mona and Nina, not the teacher and the cameraman), the T stopped me.

"Come here!" she beckons. Uh-oh. Picture time.
I did my best to escape, but to no avail. I was trapped the moment she beckoned for me, and the only way to escape was to take the picture with here.
Harhar.
I had to pose with the T and pretend that I was scrounging around for food in the greatest interest, which wouldn't be a problem if not that cameraman was there.

Then the picture was taken, and the deal was done.
As soon as she had her back turned to me, I grabbed the DD and ran.

After that, the three of us went up to the 5th storey where the exhibitions were held. There I bumped into Mus, Hud and Zahira ("We pasted the pictures," they said; I'm very proud of them). We (me Mona and Nina, not me Mus Huda and Zahira) went to all the exhibitions, which were cool.

(Later on we found out that you could only go up to level 5 and into some of the exhibitons in a group of 10 people, but what the heck)

Went back down, bought stuff, saw stuff, saw people, met up with people. Halfway through, Mona lost her Hello Kitty purse, and we had to go all over the school again to look for it. In the end, we found it at the Dedication Area, where some kind old soul had deposited it (thank you, kind old soul). The whole looking-for-her-purse thing was too much of a drama for Mona and she burst into tears in the middle of the search. Poor kid. Lucky for her, she has a great sister (alright, alright, there's no need to roll your eyes! I'm just kidding).

After thaaaaat,
more touring...
more going up and down...
more buying stuff (coughfoodcough)...

I also hung out for a while with my younger cousin, who's Sabrina's age (that's Primary 5). He's a really cool kid - seriously. One look at him and ou think, "cool". My dad sent him off to that motorcycle ride thing. Initially, Sabrina wanted to go on that ride, but unfortunately, she was born the wrong gender, so she couldn't go.

My cousin was real thrilled about the ride, although he tried to act cool about it (I swear, when he got off that bike, he was all slack-faced with his arms crossed, with that"yeah I think that was bloody brilliant, but I'm too cool to say it" look. Majorly cool. And hugely hilarious)

Now I'm back up here. I've met up with lots of neat people, so it's been a blast so far. I'm staying ehre till around 5 because ~~some dork~~ my sister wants me to wait for her, but I'm ok with that. I mean, as long as I'm able to stay here, I should be okay.

Cool.

Seventy-Six

2007-05-20T21:16:00.000-07:00

Is it post Seventy-Six? Is it? I can't tell. For some reason, my blog is protected by this family-safe-thingy and I can't go check which post I am at now. I can't even check my own website! Haha. Sometimes I think about my life and I go, "God I'm pathetic".

Then I just go back to sleep.

I'm all alone here at home. I'm supposed to be at school but I could only be there for half a day because Mona is going to be at home all alone if I don't come back home quickly. I did take care of her here, for a while, but it turned out that she was going to go out with my mum anyway. I felt this moment of guilt that I'm at home doing nothing while the others are at school.... but then that moment passed and I'm my normal self again.

The only thing I can do right now is to download songs and surf the net - not that there's much to surf. I'm listening to Iris by Goo Goo Dolls and frankly, I'm confused. Baffled. Muddled. Higgeldy-piggledied (I checked this up in the thesaurus, so you'd better appreciate it and not laugh). I mean, who names their band the Goo Goo Dolls? I mean, come on. I can come up with something way nicer.

If I had a band, I'd name it The Rubber. Hahah, yeah. Then when we're about to go on stage, the host would yell, "And here they are, ladies and gentlemen: The Rubber band!"

Ahahahahahahahahahaha.
It's good to laugh at your own jokes.

Speaking of own jokes, here's one Mas gave me:

Q: Kat mane kite nak makan angin this June holidays?
A: Depan kipas!

Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

AND since she made that joke herself, I thought that I should give making your own jokes a go, too.
So I made one up and gave it to Mas:

Q: What did the elephant say to the giraffe?
A: "Hello!"

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Seventy-Five

2007-05-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

Strange, how you have so much to do and so much to be distracted with during the examinations, how doing anything and everything was way better than studying and memorising...

And thenn, once exams are finally over and everyone is celebrating and cheering and dancing, Praise to God!....

We have absolutely no idea what to do.

All those lists of 'What to do once exams are over' or 'What to do once I'm a free person again' becomes so utterly useless and futile.

I am bored. To the very death of it.

Seventy-Four

2007-05-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

Well!
Exams are over!

One might say that I shouldn't be too pleased, because results and report books are coming up real soon, so there is no reason to celebrate. Well, One, I say opposite! It's precisely because results are new that we should celebrate and have fun as much as possible! Let us eat, drink, and be merry! Perhaps we might gain a little blubber from all that eating and drinking and be-merrying, but that's okay! For when result day arrives we shall die anyway, and when that happens, all our blubber would be eaten by worms and insects, so what's the harm? Let us enjoy life now!!

There's so much I want to do now holidays are well and on their way (about time, too). I'm going to read, and draw, and play the computer, and watch TV, and sleep. Then I'm going to try all sorts of new things that I've never done before, like try sign language, and painting, and climbing Mount Everest, and climbing a ladder, and farting, yay farting!

Anyway, on a completely unrelated note,

Ira; says:
i wish i can go to ikea

AnDee says:
yom ah! gerekkk

Ira; says:
what? go out n go to ikea?? o_O

AnDee says:
yeah! why? jauh?

Ira; says:
no. just, wierd gitu. pergi ikea...

AnDee says:
well, life is weird. let us be weird. for it is only then that we can obtain stable octet configuration and become..... NOBLE.

Yeahh, I'm a geek, but that's okay. My mum and dad still loves me anyway.

Seventy-Three

2007-04-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

Was reading all my old blogs and posts. Quite interesting, to say the list. I've forgotten how I used to write so much, and how I used to have so much to say. I rather enjoyed reading what I once wrote. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

I should write more.

Here's something I found in one of my posts. Does anyone remember?

Innovative Ways of Ordering Pizza

1. Ask them if you can keep the box. When they say yes, break into tears and go,
'Thank you! Thank you so much! God bless you!' etc.
2. Ask them to make sure your pizza is really dead 'not like the last time'.
3. Ask them to confirm exactly how many dolphins had to be killed in order to make your pizza.
4. When they repeat your order back to you, change it slightly. Do this three or four times.
5. Ask them if they have one inch pizzas.
6. Ask them whythey measure their pizzas in inches and not centimetres, ha?
7. When they ask, 'Will that be all?', reply angrily: 'Why, not satisfied, ah? I order so little so you see me no up, is it? Nehmine! Steady! Later I call my brother all come to your shop and settle, want?!'
8. Ask what the order taker is wearing, and when he or she answers, sound as if you're trying very hard to stop yourself from giggling.
9. Ask them to arrange the pepperoni in the shape of Hello Kitty.
10. In sign language. Over the phone.
11. Tell the order taker to speak very softly, because the police are tapping your line.
12. Ask them to hold on, then shout in a childishvoice, 'Mummy, can borrow me fifty doller buy pizza??'
13. Pretend the pizza hotline is the NKF donation line, and ask the pizza guy to do ridiculous and unhealthy stunts before you hand over your money.

Seventy-Two

2007-04-14T02:40:00.001-07:00

Ehem
It's true that I enjoy some Malay songsBut just because I sing them doesn't mean I'm jiwangAnd even if I am, so what?It's not funny. And I'm not weird, youSo cut it out, okay?Get off my back, okay?
Exam's are in handful of days' time. I know 100% that I'm going to get worse results for tis mid-year, even though I study practically everyday, and even though I've cut my relaxation time down. See, my test results are very bad. And even though they only account for 20% of my total marks, they have to mean something, right? If I'm getting not-good test results, doesn't that mean I'm doing not-good-ly in school?

I am revising more, though. I'm trying.
Plus, I think I'm getting better at A-Maths.
:D

Ok, time to relax.
Song is food for the soul, yum yum.

The number one positive thing about girls is that we're resilient. It might take a long time for us to get on the right track, but when we fight, we fight, dammit.

Seventy-One

2007-04-01T05:06:00.000-07:00

Monday's child is fair of face;

Tuesday's child is full of grace;

Wednesday's child is full of woe;

Thursday's child has far to go;

Friday's child is loving and willing;

Saturday's child works hard for a living.

But the child that is born on the Sabbath day is fair and wise, good and gay

I was born on Friday (my mum remembers).
I'm loving and willing.
HAHAH! As if. :D

A good week, I suppose. If it was bad, I don't remember. I rarely do.

Listen.

Seventy

2007-03-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh... finally!
I get to play the computer!

You have no idea how much I have missed playing this. Eveytime someone talks about a new song or some other interesting thing, I'll think, "Ooh, gotta check this out at home". But then I remember I can't play the computer, and I droooooop (Not drop, ya: droop).

But God knows (so does my father) that I need this break from the computer.
Exam is in 5 weeks! Nak mampos?
Yok, mampos.

So. Anyhoo.
I'm milking this moment for all that's worth.

Am currently listening to Gravity, by John Mayer.
So niice, though I haven't the faintest idea what exactly he's saying.
The music is playing, he's singing, and the wind is blowing my hair to one side. Like a movie. So melancholy.
Now all I need is some guy to pass by, see me, and fall in love with me. (HAHA YEA RITE)

Eh, wait, cannot.
Rambut aurat. :D

Speaking of hair: I just got a hair cut! It's shorter (DUH), and I had the hairdresser cut it into layers. It's quite nice, if I do say so myself.

And I've also been learning how to sign language. So far, I know how to sign the alphabet and the words father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, son, daughter, husband, wife, uncle, aunt, marriage, divorce, wedding, so on and so forth. My vocabulary is growing to be quite impressive. For instance, I can say, "I am a daughter." I ask you, is that not an intellectual sentence? IS THAT NOT AN INTELLECTUAL SENTENCE? HUH? HUH?!?

Sixty-Nine

2007-03-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

Now, don't be surprised, and don't cry or anything, but...

*takes deep breath*

... But I won't be updating except for the weekends.

I know, I know! Isn't it upsetting!?
I know all my fans out there are probably crying their tears out right now, but please don't. I can't bear to hurt anyone, I just can't.

You see, I've decided to stop playing the computer during the weekdays.
I've been slacking real bad in my studies, and I should really get a grip.
So...

Yeah.

See you soon!

Oh, and thanks for the tag/keychain/thingy, Seri! It's so sweet of you. I'm very touched. :D

Sixty-Eight

2007-03-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ooooooh.
I have such a big ego.

Sixty-Seven

2007-03-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Mas says:
haha. dabes maths hw?

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
no. dont want to

Mas says:
hahahahahaha serious?

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
yeah

Mas says:
haha klaka lah awk ni...eh gi post ah

So, here I am.
I don't think Mas realises just how serious I am.
I mean, I'm really, really, not going to finish my maths homework.
It's kinda my way of merajoking with Tchr, I guess.
Haha.

I told my mum last night that I want to quit school.
Mama gave me a long, hard look, as if to say, You are such a pathetic little wimp. (ok bedek, but she did give me a long, searching look)
Then said, "Ok, kiddo". (Alright, bedek again: she didn't say kiddo, but it feels right to put that word here)
So... if anyone asks why I'm not at school next Monday, tell them "She's working at Delifrance now. Making Milos."

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
i told my mum i want to quit school

Mas says:
why??

Mas says:
are you depressed?

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
no lah!

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
just lazy

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
i dont really wanna quit school... i think

Mas says:
haha relex ah...trust me im lazier than you

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
no, no, i'm lazier.

Mas says:
you dont want hw

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
i dont want to study, period

Am currently Out of My Mind. Be back in 5 minutes. says:
im feeling extremely lazy, lately
like, lazy from the bottom of my soul.
lazy khushuk wa tawwaddhuk nye lazy

Mas assures me that it's just because of the holidays, "You'll get used to being in school again soon enough."
I suspect she's right.

Sixty-Six

2007-03-16T19:04:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh...

Holiday's almost up.
How can??

Despite the many homeworks that need to be done, and the many projects that need to be completed, and the many tests that we have to study for, this past week still isn't school.
It's still rather stress-free. Fuss-free. Freeeee.
It's still a holiday.

I go back to school today for Chemistry, and the strangest feeling overcomes me. For some reason, I am annoyed. I am angry. Annoyed and angry at seeing all those people swarming around me. My friends. I am angry and annoyed at seeing my friends. I felt so rimas (a word I hear Seri say often :D).What is up with that?

I think it's because I'm so selfish. I've been having a great week, and when I get to school there are all these people fussing and caring over homeworks and tests and projects and whatnot. They bring me back, very sharply and cruelly, back to earth and back to reality. It's like, "OK, Dee, you've had a great week and all; you went to NMS, you played badminton, your face appeared on TV so large you can count all your pimples, bla bla bla: Who cares? Have you even done a singple project of yours, hmm? HMM? HAVE YOU? And what about that Maths homework, are you done with that? Huh? HUH?? ARE YA? ARE YA?!?"

I've had a taste of fun during the holidays.
I just want to lie down and watch TV and read books and draw and play the computer and listen to songs and chill.
I don't want to go back to routine and ordinary and WORK.
I AM A LAZY BUMMM.
It's my nature.

T_T

"Are you going to go and whine on and on and on?" I hear you ask as you roll your eyes.

And I will reply, "Only here at my blog."

Sixty-Five

2007-03-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

Alaaa.
Seri osso cannot go to the museum.
And I was so excited!

I want to cekik you Seri!
Well, actually, no, not really.
I want to cekik the dude who's getting married.
T_T

Oh well.
There's still Mas, and Sabrina, and probably Zahira.

Hey, anyone else wanna tag along?
We're going to Singapore's National Museum this Sunday. Admission fees are 5 bucks, and we're going there around after zohor. It's at Dhoby Ghaut (is that how you spell it?)
Kalau nak ikot, call me or Mas, kay? My handphone is not working at the moment, so don't sms.

This video is some Gundam cartoon video, but that's not why I'm posting it.
It's playing a song: "Every Other Time" by LFO, so listen to it!
Ooooh best!
It makes me dance.
Well, actually, no, not really.
I just sorta jiggle in my set. XD

"But then I think about the time when we brole-up before the prom and you told everyone that I was gay.... okay!"

Sixty-Four

2007-03-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

School is over! Wooo! Let's all cheer! Woooooooo-

Oh yes. I forgot.
We have about 16 assignments to finish in one week.
XO

So sad.

Anyhoo.

http://www.hishamhasimfanclub.com
http://www.ilovehisham.com.sg

Hahah!
Detik Dude Hisham Hasim and Unpopular Detik Cameraman came to Maarif today. They recorded my class while we were in the Science Lab.

It was so weird. One moment I am drooling my head off with boredom in Bio class (okok, joke. I actually like Bio class), the next moment this tall dude wearing specs comes in with Cik Khalid.

First thought: Who the-? Haven't I seen this dude before?
Second thought: SUPERMAN! Eh wait, no no...
Third thought: .... Berite Man!

He is really nice. He jokingly tells everyone to 'betulkan tudung', which I think is unnecessary, considering that everyone has started doing that already. He doesn't even has to say anything; we all know what he is about to do, so we wanna look our best. I betulkan my tudung too, a little - I also have to wipe my drool off my face.

Hisham (we're on first name basis now) then tells us that the most important (and the only thing) we have to do is to pretend the camera isn't there. That's it.

Sure. Pretend you're paying a great amount of attention to your teacher who is talking about solutions and experiments while what you're really worrying about is whether you're gonna appear on tv and if you do, are you gonna look a nerd?

Riiiiight. No sweat.

I do my best. I slump a little in my position, I scribble answers on the sides of the pages, tap my pencil on the table, I make jokes and laugh. I must say, I did some pretty good acting.

The cameraman, on the other hand, just makes everyone nervous, including me. How can anyone not feel nervous with him around? He pratically pushes that camera up your face. What if you have a huge pimple and he's gonna zoom in on it and they're not gonna cut it from the video and everyone's gonna see your pimple on Detik? Nerve-wrecking!

Amal gets it worse than anyone else, I think. The cameraman, or Hisham, asks her to close her book, then to slowly flip through it while the camera is rolling. Poor Amal! I swear she's shaking as she turns those pages. Haha, joke.

The moment Hisham and Unpopular Cameraman leaves the room though, you feel the excitement seeeeping out of the room. Life is back to its usual boring routine.

Stayed back for Librarian Duty today after school.
I admit, the Library CLub isn't the best or most exciting club in the school, but I'm pretty content.
We have to pretty up the library for the visitors coming tomorrow, and I have fun doing it with Rashidah and Mas.

Anyhoooo.....
Everyone watch Detik on Tuesday!
We are famous now.

"Sagwa your my best friend... Sagwaaaaa!!! "

Sixty-Three

2007-03-08T05:23:00.000-08:00

Still listening to 'The Beauty in Ugly".
Over and over again, of course. You know me.
I want to know the lyrics by heart.

Eventually, I'll get tired of the song, but until then...

:)

Besides that, nothing much to say.

I wish I could play the guitar.
Then I can go and play in the Esplanade in the Mosaic Music Festival.
Waaaah.

Am currently watching '647 km(squared)'.
Mascooler: "Alamak, tersangkut rambut"

Hahahahahaha!

Sixty-Two

2007-03-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

"She's so big-hearted, but not so remarkable,
Just an ordinary humble girl..."

Laalaalaaaaaaa....
"Beauty in Ugly" by Jason Mraz rocks, man.
That dude is cool. I like him.

Anyhoo.

Today starts off as an ordinary, even good day, but little things happen towards the end of the day, and we all know how it's the little things that matter. My day slowly starts to spiral downnn. It stinks. Holiday plans being cancelled, people keeping you out of the loop, and the goreng pisang not having enough kerak; these are all the small stuff, but CherS says that people who are born in the monkey are always affected by the small stuff, so

I will be bothered by the little things.
Because I am a MONKEY!

But now that I am home and have had some Me-Time (basically bathing, playing the computer, and eating roti john), I have some time to think and calm down. I am calm now. I am cool.

So. On a lighter note.

The phone in our class rang today.
The class goes berserk with excitement (those who were there at that time, anyway). Since I am the one standing closest to the phone, I get to pick it up.

Me: Hello! Ni contact mane?
KkT: Hello... ni siape?
Me: Ni Diyanah. Ni siape?
KkT: Ni KkT.. boleh saya tinggalkan pesan dengan Amalina Bte Ridzuan?
Me: Oh, die ade kat sini skarang. Awak nak cakap dengan die?
KkT: Ahh boleh... terime kasih.
Me: Takpe, takpe. Jangan bual lame-lame eh!

"She's so big-hearted, but not so remarkable,
Just an ordinary humble girl..."

Laalaalaaaaaaa....

Sixty-One

2007-03-06T16:57:00.000-08:00

"Takmo takot! Nanti mesti awak terperanjat punye, senang sangat!"

I don't know why, but that line makes me laugh.
But Ustazah is right.
The test is easy. Easier than I expected it to be.
And I am relieved.

Zahira writes on the whiteboard: "Chris Daughtry" and, below it, "It's Not Over". I immeadiately get excited.

"Ooh, have you heard that song?"
"Yes!!" squeals Zahira.
"Isn't it great?"
Huda joins the conversation, "And have you listened to 'What About Now?"
"Oh, yes!!"

More squealing ensues.

Then I admit, "But I've been listening to a lot of his songs lately. Everyday. I'm almost getting tired of it."
"No!!" Zahira screams. (Okay, she didn't scream. I'm exaggarting here) (Exxagarate? Exaggarate? Exeggerate? Kuih Pau? Darn, I don't know how to spell that word) (Anyhoo)

"You have to stop listening to his songs!" she admonishes me.
"I said 'almost getting tired of it'," I mutter. For some reason, I am ashamed of myself. How dare I listen to his songs everyday? How could I? I feel so guilty.
"I once listened to the song 'The Reason' everytime I switched on the computer," Zahira continues, "and that was when I switched the computer on everyday. I got sooo sick of it."

Right then and there I vow never to listen to Daughtry songs for the rest of the month.
I will change for the better, I will.
I have to do what's right
I will listen to songs that are basi over and over again.

By the way, the name of Mas and my (my and Mas'? Mas and mine?) pet ant was Sickle Anoint Prick Repatraition the Seventh.

And today we find a Sickle Anoint Prick Repatriation the Eighth.

"Hey! A new Bobby!" Mas exclaims, and squishes him flat.

"Air liuh itu tanda orang yang tidak berikan perhatian," says Ustazah.
"Lol, lol," says I.

Sixty

2007-03-05T17:11:00.000-08:00

"You shouldn't put too much milk in that."
"Huh?"

I turn around. It's 5.30 in the morning, I'm making Milo (my beloved Milo!), and my Tok is talking to me.

"You shouldn't put too much milk in your Milo," she repeats.
"Why not?"
"Because it has too much sugar!" I can almost picture her adding, "Duh!". Almost.
"But that's what makes Milo good!" I turn my back back to her again.

"Well, fine," Tok mutters, "But don't blame me when all your arms and legs fall off from all that sugar!! Then you'll regret it."
"Riiiiiight. "

In the meantime, I'll enjoy my Milo and my arms and my legs.
Hahahah. The things people say to convince others.
Sigh. As Kk Han would say, "So farny". *wipes tears from eye*

Anyhoo.

Today Mas and I find an ant running across our tables. "It's got wings!" Mas exclaims, which prompts me to go show off and explain to her that it has wings because it is a male, has just finished mating with the queen ant, and is just about to die.

"Aww," Mas goes, and instantly falls in love with the ant. I don't know why (maybe she likes dying things), but she really does love that thing. I hear her say so.

"I love you," she whispers to the ant. I gag, then laugh.

She insists that we not let the ant go anywhere else, so we keep blocking it and making sure it doesn't leave our tables throughout the whole Fiqh lesson. We figure that, since we were going to keep him as our pet (yes, I had grown fond of him), we decide to name him. In the end, we come up with "Something Something Something Something the Seventh". No, it's name isn't Something Something; it just has a really long name that I can't remember it at the moment. All I know is that we nicknamed it Bobby. How 'Bobby' came out of 'Something Something Something Something the Seventh' I have no idea.

Anyhoo, I go to second recess. When I come back up, Bobby
Is
Not
There.

So sad....
He was a good ant. :(

By the way, no PE again today. Also very sad. I was so disappointed, I cried. Like, so sad lah!

Aaand, I lent Kk Atiqah 'I am the Messenger' by Markus Zusak. It is my favouritest book (favouritest, because I have a lot of favourites, but this is the best of the best). For those of you who haven't read it, please do! It's really good, and I wanna spread the joy, so read it! Read it! READ ITTTTT!!! *froths at the mouth*

Marvellous.

"All girls is flower but you, sand!"
Hahahahahaha!
Good times, good times.

Fifty-Nine

2006-12-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

Mona: Ayo, tak tau! Mak kayu!
Me: It's "Mak balik bawak kayu", dik.
Mona: ....... alaaaaah!
Me: Haha. Chill ah.
Mona: *brightens up, starts to gelek at me, then sings* Chill, chill, chill CHILLI! AHHAHAHAHA!

Yes. My sister is lame.

Anyhoo.

I discovered that, as horrific as it may seem, there is such a thing as reading too many books. Like I mentioned before, I've been doing a lot of reading this past month, especially since we can borrow up to 8 books in the library now. Everytime I finish reading 8 books, I go to the library to read some more. As much as I love reading, I'm getting tired of it. Maybe it's because I'm read some really good books (Like "The Schwa was Here"! Bagus!), that other books which are okay-okay pales in comparison.

I get bored reading now. I have no patience to finish books which are just okay-okay. I end up reading the endings of the story, just to know what happens in the end. Which makes my mum angry. Haha.

Ok, I gotta go finish my Malay book now. Because I'm cool like that.
("Because I'm cool like that"?? What the heck do people mean when they say 'because I'm cool like that'??)

Fifty-Eight

2006-12-06T16:32:00.000-08:00

Went to the new madrasah today. Mona had to buy her books for next year. Everyone tagged along, 'cept for Aba, who had to go to work.

It's the first time I've seen the new madrasah. It's verrry high but verrry slim, which was quite surprising. It kinda blended in with all the other buildings around it. If the words "Al-Maarif Institution hadn't been written on the gate, and if Lily hadn't pointed it out, I would have never noticed it.

Unfortunately, we couldn't go up the steps and beyond. In fact, for some strange reason, the book sale was held in the carpark. Yeah, the carpark (staff only) was pretty big. Since my mum didn't need any help choosing the books, the rest of us took of.

Stuff I found out

* The toilet is biig compared to our old one. There's a tempat air-wuduk inside, and nice sinks, and plenty of cubicles. Unfortunately, it was kinda dirty, but I guess I'm used to it already. I mean, it is a toilet.

* The playground, or rather, the "Maarif Institution's Fitness Course" (I think that's what was written), consists of two monkey bars, two sit-up benches, and two pull-up-thingies.

* Water cooler masih ade! Sejuk!

* Cik Milah and gang pon masih ade! Which means there will be still be Mee Bakso and spagetti!

* Apparently, our salats will be held in the carpark (??)

* No cats. Poor cats.

Went to Shing Shiong after that. Or is it Seng Shiong? Shing Shong? Sing Song?
There was this mechanical, dancing Santa inside, shaking his butt and fake-playing the trumpet. You should have seen him! It was quite a struggle for me to not shake along with me, but luckily my sisters were there to hold me down while one of the workmen switched the Santa off.

Then went to Cik Sarimah's house to pick up some books for me next year. Unfortunately (quite a lot of unfortunatlies), the book were hand-me-downs. It wouldn't have been too bad, if the books hadn't had the words 'Siti Nur Hannah Hardy' written on the cover. Apparently Kk Han gave her books to her friend, and her friend never took the name stickers on. :P

Ellen's on!

Fifty-Seven

2006-12-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

Okeh dokeh, I'm back from hiatus!
(Translation: I've been lazy all this while to post anything, and I'm actually still feeling lazy to post, not to mention having no idea on what to write on, but seeing as I've been neglecting the blog for too long, I decided to haul both my butt and my brain in order to update. Yes, I need a butt to update)

So what have I been doing this December holidays? Not much. My activities are pretty limited. I read, draw, read, play the computer, read, teach, read, eat, read, go to the toilet, etc etc. I don't go out much either (except maybe to the library. to read. duh). See, even though tons of people are asking me out and inviting me to parties and such, I am feeling too anti-social at the moment and had to politely decline all invitations, much to the disappointment of the general public.

Okay, not true. Number one: no one's inviting me anywhere, except to play netball, and even then the places are too far away for me to go to. Number two: I'm not feeling anti-social. And number three: there is no number three, except that it seems only right to put a number three, because wouldn't it be funny if I just put two points instead of three?

I'm blabbering here. Good, good. Nice to know I haven't lost my touch at being becok.

Oh, and just for the record: I am NOT a Fuzzy Wuzzy, nor do I want a Huggy.

Fifty-Six

2006-11-12T19:58:00.000-08:00

Last day of being together with the whole class hasn't been exactly what some people pictured. I mean, when I left the class last Friday, I could hear people left and right saying sarcastically, "Well, what a nice way to spend our last day together."

They do have a point. All we did was play lots and lots of games, and even then not everyone joined in. It wasn't exactly a great memory to remember and smile or cry by. Like someone (I think Huda) said, "Everyone left as if we're gonna meet again for a regular class next week."

But come on. Is that so bad?

I think it's ok what. Maybe we didn't sit together and enjoy each other's company. Maybe all we did was play games. But, the way I see it (HA HA), playing games is what we normally do. Last day doesn't necessarily have to be special. We all acted normally, and isn't that why we all love (eheck) each other? Because of the things we usually do?

Besides, we'll meet again on Friday. Maybe that's why people acted so normally last time.

We played netball. Man, I used to hate that game. No, wait, hate is too strong a word. I disliked the game. I mean, you guys used to play it every Wednesday during PE. I'd look at you guys playing and I'd roll my eyes, thinking, "Oh, come ON, not this game again".

But then I shoved my pride up my butt and decided to play along. You know that phrase "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em"? Ahh liddat lah. Boy am I glad.

I'd like to think that I'm getting better at playing the game. :) I'll miss playing it.

Ok, that's it. I've only been sitting here for half an hour and already my right butt hurts. That has gotta mean something.

Fifty-Five

2006-11-07T16:50:00.000-08:00

There are two types of laughing, right? There's the polite laugh that we use when we just want to entertain someone. Then there's the real laugh: the irresistible, contagious, overwhelming laughter that strains your muscles, brings tears to your eyes, and leaves you gasping for breath. The nice type of laughter.

Since Hari Raya still hasn't finished yet (bila nak habis ni??), I've been entertaining people who come to my house a lot lately, and laughing politely got really tiring after a while. Especially since adults always make jokes about buses and highways which aren't really funny at all.

But today I had some real laughter. Mas and I were playing this, alah, this game where we had to take turns hitting the other person's hand. If I were to explain to you what was so funny, you wouldn't get it, so nevermind. It was still funny, and it felt good to laugh long and hard.

A group of us also sat together to talk that morning. You know, just duduk bual2. There was me, Dinah, Suhanah, Khairunnisa, Wahidah, Seri, Zahira and Huda. We talked about rude people and funny experiences while Huda read a book.

But then someone opened a library book, and then another person followed suit, and then another, until all of us were in a circle, silently reading, each in a different world. The silence was calming, and I liked the image of us sitting together, reading.

The funny thing was that, while we were talking, Huda was reading her book, right? But the moment we started reading our books, she closes her book, looks at us, and says, "Alah! Kite baru nak bebual dengan korang! I finished my book already!"

I think she was also the one to write on the whiteboard, with an arrow pointing to the corner where we were reading together: "Join the Reading Club! All you need is a book and a butt!".

Or something like that, anyway.

Fifty-Four

2006-11-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

Well, well, well. Exams are over. How about that?

I would whistle if I could.
I would type a longer post if I could too, but I can't. Time's running up.

Have a goood day! *waves*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjwJDOQNkeA

Fifty-Three

2006-10-02T17:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah, if anyone remembers... this was the very first skin I ever had.

Mas, Nabihah, Zahira and I were talking about our childhood today; where we went wrong, where we went right. Some parts made us laugh like hell (I'll tell you later) while others made us wonder "Why did we do that?". Either way, it was nice to remember and recall.

I chose this skin again in celebration of the past. It won't be here long, though. Just until I find a newer, nicer, and bigger one. :)

{ EHEH... change of plans. Something wrong with that old skin. Takleh keluar gambar die. Anyway, I'm not quite done editing it yet. Maybe another time. So... yeah. I found a newer, bigger one pretty quickly}

Anyway, about the funny memories. The part that made us laugh the hardest (I grin now thinking about it) was when we talked about how we faked our way to playing truant and getting a day off school. My experience was when I was primary 2 or 1, I think. For one reason or another, I did not want to go to school. So I pretended to have ~~diarrhea~~ ~~diorea~~ ~~diarreha~~ the shits.
(yes, Zahira, whaddaya know? You're right! There is a use for slashes or strikes, whichever!)

{Back to the story}. My mum knew that I was faking it, but I wouldn't admit it. I'd keep crying out "I need to go to the toilet!" Then I'd ruuun to the loo, sit on the seat doing absolutely nothing, then ruun back outside and say "See!"

I was very determined to convince my mum I had ~~diarrhea~~ ~~diorea~~ ~~diarreha~~ the shits. In the end, my mum got so tired of resisting that she agreed to let my stay home. I was victorious! I was so pleased with myself that I forgot to go to the toilet and keep up the act for the rest of the day. I guess my Ma couldn't bother to do anything.

Hahah. I'd like to tell you the others' methods of getting out of school (I can't help but grin again), but I don't know if they want me to. Blogs; they can be so tricky to write in sometimes. If you really wanna know, go ask them ah.

(By the way, I saw a truck today with the number plate starting with the letters 'XD'. I couldn't help but go XD)

Fifty-Two

2006-09-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

The weekends are here!! Finally!!

...... Yeah, so.. that's all.

Fifty-One

2006-09-28T16:25:00.000-07:00

Last night was pretty hectic. I had to study for the Geog test due today, and finish the preparations for the English preparations (truth: I hadn't even started by Maghrib). Plus, I couldn't finish my stuff and study at night because I had to go to the mosque and do my Tarawih. I was angry about that for a while, but when I did start praying, I felt relieved. Here, in the mosque while praying, I didn't have to be stressed. All I had to do was pray. It was relaxing. Besides, it was nicer studying with Amirah (we always meet) rather than studying alone.

By the way, if you have read Seri's blog about the bus driver, here's something else that happened. I was getting on the bus when the bus driver turned to me. Then he started yelling at me for no reason what so ever.

Driver: *angrily* You don't stand on the road like that ah! I cannot drive!
Me: *just as angrily* Ok ok!

I don't mean to sound rude, but I figure 'okok!' sounds better than "I wasn't standing on the bloody road!"
(But maybe I shouldn't be too hard on him. Maybe today was just a bad day for him.)

By the way, Sabrina came into the class with her friend Maimunah today. I was doing my Geography test. She kept waving at me and grinning, as if she was terribly proud that she could spot me among the rest.

Speaking of Nina, here's a conversation she had with her teacher:

Teacher: *writing on the whiteboard* OK class, what's the answer to this question?
Nina: But you are the teacher what! You tell us lah!

*Slaps forehead*

Fifty

2006-09-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

Is this not CUTE???

Forty-Nine

2006-09-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

Wow! First day of Ramadhan! It came so fast and so sudden I don't think it has quite sunk into me yet. Weirdly, it feels normal.

Not much to say for now, but here's an SMS Loi got from her friend this morning.

" I want you to know just how much I value our friendship.
You cry... I cry.
You laugh ... I laugh.
You jump from 20-storey building... I look down and say "Fooyoo, guarantee mati!"

HAHA!

Forty-Eight

2006-09-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

So. Didn't go to school today (in case no one noticed. sedih nye!). Got stomach-headache. I called Mas this morning to tell her I wouldn't come to school.

Me: Mas, kite tak pergi sekolah hari ni.
Mas: Huh? Asal?
Me: Kitenye family nak gi Sentosa.
Mas: WOW O_O
Me: ... Bedek je lah.
Mas: Oh.

I gave Lily my yearbook contribution thingy. Lucky I finished it last night. Hope it's not too bad and that Loi won't forget!
(Btw, I told Loi to buy spagetti (how you spell ah?) in case Cik Milah jual. ^_^)

Went to the clinic to get my MC. The clinic is run by Dr Sim and his wife, both of whom are, of course, doctors. I usually get Dr. Sim. I really like him cause he's friendly and funny, and he's always grinning or laughing.

But today was Dr Quek's (his wife) turn. I never had her before, but I guessed that she was a strict kinda woman, the opposite of Dr. Sim. I mean, even her name sounds strict. "You QUEK you!"

But she was a pretty nice lady. She's not as jolly as her husband, but she's kind in a McGonagall kinda way. After the checkup and everything, she concluded that I had too much gas in my stomach, which is why I'm having cramps, and that I don't relax my muscles, which is why my brain hurts. Funny. Who would have thought I stressed out my muscles?

Yeah, yeah, I know I should be resting at the moment, but frankly, my head hurts too much to sleep. It's like I'm so tired, I can't sleep. Weird huh?

I've also lost my appetite. Two bites of rice, and I'm done! Cannot eat anymore ah.

I wonder how I'm going to finish the spagetti later on.

......

Forty-Seven

2006-09-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

Just something I wrote last night, while I was in a slightly-depressed-mode.

.....

"4 more weeks."

I think of those seemingly harmless words, and I freeze inside. My heart almost beats faster. I smell the fear on me.

"4 more weeks."

It sounds lie a curse out of a fairytale. 'In weeks, you will prick your finger and write on papers known as EXAMS, and you shall only stop writing by a kiss from your report book."

4. More. Weeks.

I have to admit that, up until now, I have always thought of myself as a pretty brave person. I'm not afraid of cockroaches or cats or thunder or the dark (well.... not really, now). I don't squirm when I see the insides of the people, I don't grimace when I get my injections, and I pratically live for rollercoasters. But now? Now I know better. What I'm really afraid is a dissappointing people: especially, and more importantly, myself.

I guess I can be a smart kid if I only try hard enough, but somehow I am never able to put in enough effort. Am I lazy? Probably. Not determined? Maybe. I dunno. Maybe my mind just wanders too much. I try to study to study, but after an hour or so, I just stop focusing. I cannot focus.

See? Even now, when I would be better off studying, I'm writing and eating an apple. I need to, though. I'm feeling pretty skitty at the moment. Writing and eating an apple helps me feel slightly better, if not calmer.

You know, if this whole studying thing had been a race, then this last 4 weeks would be where the anchor runner comes in. The last run. The final stretch. It all comes down to this.

Should I try to conquer my fear to feel better? I don't think so. See, I have something like a belief when it comes to handling fear: Be afraid. Be afraid, then do whatever it is that you have to do anyway. Then you pray and hope for the best.

.....

Forty-Six

2006-09-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

I was at the library this one time (well, it was actually on Friday). Because I had just walked in the rain (refer to previous post), and because I was still wet, the library become less pleasant that it usually is. I was so cold! My body become sorta rigid; I walked around the shelves like a robot, almost. I kept rubbing and blowing on my hands to keep warm.

So anyway, I had walked over to Syakirah and was standing beside her when this Chinese man sitting beside us asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

I don't remember answering yes, though I did think it, but the man continued, "Why is it that you (Syakirah) wear your tudung liddat, like I cannot see your eyes from the side, but you (me) wear your scarf much ... back-er and I can see your eyes?"

What I wanted to say was "Some people have different styles," or, "I have a big forehead and I'm a nerd, so when I wear my scarf back, people can tell. Syakirah's a goth dude(tte), so she wears her scarf to the front, you know, like a hood. So people can tell she's cool."

But I didn't do anything. What I really did was grin. I just grinned at him, like his question was funny or he was funny or we were funny or the newspaper he was ready was funny. Point is, I said nothing but grinned. Grinned!

Maybe the man is a mind-reader, cos he grinned too, then he went back to the newspaper.
God, I don't know what I was doing.
*Slaps forehead*

.....

Forty-Five

2006-09-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

Greedy Reader. Greeeeedy Reeeeeeeeader.
I like the way it sounds.

It was raining very heavily today. It was wonderful. I wanted to walk home in the rain together with Zahira, Nabihah, Fathin and Seri, but Lily insisted that we take the bus. She wasn't interested in getting wet, I suppose. I had to beg her (almost).

Me: Yom lah Lee... (yom is a combination of yok and jom, in case you're wondering)
Loi: Lily nak naik bus lahh.
Me: Alah, kiteorang slalu naik bus. Jalan lah pulak!
Loi: Taknak!

OK, so Loi was stubborn and adamant. I had to be smart about this.

Me: I'll let you buy Bubbletea today.
Loi: *instantly* Let's go walk.

So we walked. Without umbrellas, of course, because if we had our umbrellas up, we might as well be sitting in the bus stop. Anyway, we got soaked right down to the bone! Walking in the rain is one of the most brilliant feelings ever. If you've never tried it, then I'm telling you: take a risk, take a chance, and go walk in the rain. It's the best. I even jumped into a puddle (ask the others why). ^_^

We walked all the way to Paya Lebar, but when we went our seperate ways, I snapped my umbrella open and held it over my head. There's just not as much fun walking the rain without having friends to be crazy with.

(By the way, I ate this small chocolate Zahira gave me, and let me tell you, that thing was absolutely heavenly. Absolutely heavenly! It's chocolate on the outside, but the inside is melted vanilla. The moment you bite into it, pop! The vanilla melts into your mouth. Brilliant. Thanks Zahira!)

By the way, I was a Jamrah today during Fiqh. Strange as this might sound, I actually like the feeling of the rocks hitting my head. It felt nice, somehow. I think I made a mistake of not smiling, though. I figured that I should loo serious, since jamrahs nor rocks don't smile and all. But I forgot that I look angry when I don't smile.

Mardhiah: *uncertain, as if afraid to throw a rock at me* Allau.... akbar?

I grinned at her to show that I wasn't mad. Then she happily threw it at my head (paper rock, not real rock)

Zahira: *before throwing* please forgive me Dee....

XD

(I should mention that Mas, however, felt no remorse whatsoever. On the contrary, she held up her arm, grinned this totally evil smile, and said "Amik kau Dee!". Then she fired)

.....

Forty-Four

2006-09-11T17:31:00.000-07:00

There's a rule in our English lesson. You forget to bring your book, you have to write an essay. The first person in the class who forgets to bring it has to write 100 words, I think. Then the next person who forgets has to write 150 words. As more people forget, more words are needed to be written.

19 people forgot to bring their textbook today. Including myself, naturally. We all have to write a total of 300 words, on anything we want!
Most people might think it troublesome. I think it's fun. The only problem is that I have too many ideas to write about that I can't decide which title to pick. Oh, and we have to send it in tomorrow.

Should I write about how everyone is a hyprocrite? Or maybe I should write a story about how a boy finds out that the ice-cream man has a better life than his. Maybe I should talk about how it's not so easy being a teenager?

Eeee boring. Anyway.

Today marks the beginning of Silence Week. I don't know why I picked 'Silence' as the theme. Maybe because it's because people have been giving me these "Uh-oh, Diyanah's talking" look sometimes. Maybe it's because it will be a challenge for me. Who knows? I just did. It doesn't mean I become mute for one whole week. It really just means I won't talk unless necessary.
And what I deem as 'necessary' might not actually be necessary.

It's especially hard when I have this pressing urge to make a joke. I like to make jokes. And jokes aren't exactly 'berfaedah'. I wrote a joke on paper once. After that I just said the jokes. They're necessary to make people laugh, right?

Another time when it is hard is when I'm talking to Mas. She's kooky, and she likes to talk. I like to talk, too. But today was supposed to be different because it's Silence Week. Mas knows that it's my Silence Week.

On the bus:

Mas: *reads a part of her library book*
Mas: What do you think it means, Dee?
Me: *smiles*
Mas: Yes, that's correct! (tak betol. i would have said the same thing)
Me: It's my silence week, remember?
Mas: Oh yeah! Okay, I won't talk to you.

*Five seconds later*

Mas: *reads another part of her book* What do you think that means, Dee?

*slaps forehead*

.....

Forty-Three

2006-09-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

Wow. Dah lame tak post. What can I say? Busy, busy!
But I admit, I would be lying if I were to say that I spent all my time studying and doing school work. In fact, I consider myself lucky because I got to spend a day with my family.

Oh, today was funny!

Today's a Sunday, which means our family went to the mosque. Today's mosque was Darul Aman. Loi and Nina offered to show me their 'secret hideout' in the masjid (they call it the Creepy Tunnel, even though there's no tunnel at all). They claim the place is 'totally silent and totally empty'. So, ok, I followed them. Why not?

The 'Creepy Tunnel' was really just the 3rd and highest level of the mosque, but it was empty, which was nice, in a way. We had a space, all to our own. I studied for my tests in the beginning; tauhid, tafsir, sejarah islam. But then we decided to play a game.

It's really an esay game. You just flick a coin, the other two call out 'Heads' or 'Tails', and the one who got it right will get the right to flick the coin. Like, I flick the coin. While it spins in mid-air, Loi might call out "Heads" and Nina goes for "Tails". If Nina is right, then she gets to flick the coin. Then Loi and I have to guess.

It's really not that all exciting, but for some reason, it kept us fully entertained for at least an hour.
We also decided to call for either 'Heads' or 'Butts'. Cos we don't have tails.

Anyway, there was this one time when it was Nina's turn to flick the coin.

Nina: *flicks the coin into the air and slaps it onto her palm*
Me: Heads!
Nina: *shakes her head slightly*
Me: Um.... Butts?
Nina: Yes! Betol! *gives me the coin*

In another instance:

Nina: *flicks again*
Me: Heads!
Nina: *shakes her head, then shakes her butt*
Me:.... Butts?
Nina: YES!

It went like that for a really long time. Loi couldn't figure out why we were laughing so hard.
I can't figure out how she couldn't see we were actually cheating.

.....

Forty-Two

2006-09-03T18:29:00.000-07:00

Uh, I just wanna post this because I wanna apologise to Seri for hitting her. I didn't know it hurt that bad! Sorry...

I really should stop hitting people. I underestimate my strength. Ouch.

Forty-One

2006-09-02T17:11:00.000-07:00

Apparently, we can trick our body into thinking it's morning by shining light on your knees. Or something like that.

.....

Here's an exerpt (or is it an extract?) from the book "Blame My Brain: the amazing teenage brain revealed".

"All parents were once perfect teenagers. Model humans. Never drank, swore, smoked, or lay bed all morning. They were completely in control of all their hormones. In fact, they never had any hormones at all. They were calm, always smiling, and incredibly polite to everyone around them.

All parents also have amnesia. That's why they believe the above paragraph.

They have airbrushed out the disgusting bits of their memories. The painful, greasy, smelly, angry, nasty bits. They will tell you the tidied their rooms and filed away the day's school work alphabetically before supper each evening. And if they've even dreamt of swearing at anyone, they would have been forced to write 5 million times: "I have unquestioning respect for all people". Exams were harder and they were smarter because there were no videos/PlayStations/computers/internet in their day. They were all poor but happy. And on Christmas Day (ok lah, Hari Raya ah), their greatest joy was to play family charades. After writing their thank-you notes, of course. Vegetables? No, they didn't like them, but they always ate them and appreciated their traditional importance. Broccoli are character-building.

Oh, get real, I'd say. The Greek genius Aristotle taked about the strange behaviour of teenagers. And that was 2 500 years ago."

Aheheheheh.
I'm gonna be like that one day.

.....

Forty

2006-09-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is explicate \EK-spluh-kayt\, transitive verb: To explain; to clear of difficulties or obscurity.

.....

Humans are quite the greedy creatures, don't you think? Well, maybe greedy isn't quite the right word. It's more like, unsatisfied. No matter what we have, or own, there's always something else we want to have. There's even an old quote I read once: "Thou shalt not covet for thy neighbour's iPod"... ok, so maybe it wasn't exactly worded like that. But you get the idea.

Maybe it's just a general rule of life or something. Fish swim. Birds fly. Humans desire.

Greed isn't a good thing, but I guess it isn't overly wrong to want a few stuff. You know, since it's part of our nature and all. Even I would like to have a couple of things.

Some of these Things I want aren't much of a big deal. They're just, you know, normal stuff that other people might want. Books, a new handphone maybe, more time, flying (ya I wanna fly. I know you do too! Admit it!).

But then there are other wants, or desires or wishes, whichever, that I keep secret. And for a good reason! Until now, that is. That's right, you're gonna here all my old, secret wants (old! not anymore, ok!) first in my blog. From me. About me.

They're mostly weird. And embarassing. Here, I'll tell you some:

* I would love to be as strong or jump as high as the Hulk. Yes, him. I don't wanna be like Spiderman, I don't wanna be like Batman, I wanna be like that green Hulk dude.

* I used to want Pokemon of my own. Although it wasn't much of a secret back then.

* I used to want purple eyes...

*... or grey eyes ...

* ... or one purple, one grey eye (... ok, yuck).

* I once had a sudden desire to see the Teletubbies get drunk.

* I wanted to be on Oprah's show.

* I wanted a Disney Princesses colouring book.... I was 13 years old.

* I wanted to be a Cardcaptor. Like Sakura Kinomoto!!

* I wanted to see how Einstein looked with braids.

You know...
Stuff like that.
Dah, tu je! I can't tell you all; I have a reputation, you know.

.....

Thirty-Nine

2006-08-31T18:30:00.000-07:00

Something you should know before reading this post: I'm not Dee. I'm one of her friends. I shall not tell you my name, go figure out! Don't worry, sooner or later you'll find out anyway. :)

There's no word of the day for today because I don't have any words..for today.
The reason I'm here is because Dee forced me to. You see, she didn't wanna post because she was 'malas', so she asked (more like forced) me to post for her. So here I am. And now I don't know what to post about. I'm sure by this time you already know who I am.

Hmm..ok I want to comment on this blog. Well, I think this blog is nice. I love the layout. And some of the songs are nice, like 'Rain'. Go listen to it! I have to memorise the lyrics so that if its raining, I can sing the song. Ye lah, I'm lame. I just gave you a clue who I am by the way. No, actually I already gave 3 clues.

It's 6:12pm right now. I missed The Ellen Degeneres Show and I don't have the mood to watch Oprah Winfrey Show. I love these talk shows. Ellen is so cool and funny, and some of Orpah's talk shows are interesting.

I think I'll stop now because I'm running out of things to say. And I think I'm boring you. hehee..
Thanks for giving me this opportunity to post in your blog, Dee! I had fun. XD
On the magic tree house!
So you guys figured out who I am already? ;)

Thirty-Eight

2006-08-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is aegis \EE-jis\, noun:1. Protection; support.

.....

Hmm. Have been reading quite a LOT of sad, gloomy, depressing posts today.
Ok, bedek. There were only, what, 2? Still, it got me thinking. I wonder why nothing made them smile - both inside and out.
I bet it's just mood swings they're getting. I get them too, sometimes, which annoy me, because who wants to be an old grumpy maid, right?
So, anyway. Here are a couple of things that never fail to make me smile or grin or laugh:

1) The Magic Tree House. Don't ask. *muffles laughter*
2) Spongebob. Some of the lines are so stupid that they'd make me laugh outloud, and then people would stare at me, which would make me laugh more.
3) Wave at strangers. But don't this without a friend walking beside you!
4) Think of all the things I shouldn't do, wherever you are. Like, if I'm in the MRT, I'll try to imagine myself lying on a stranger's lap, all of a sudden. Hahahaha.
5) Wink at a stranger! Hahahah.

Ok, so my list consists mainly of doing stupid things, but hey, if that's what it's gonna take, then why not? Granted, my list is kinda short, but they all get me smiling, so it's cool.

So, ok, here's a story on the net that made me smile. Enjoy. (Hope you get the joke this time, Mas):

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Dan!, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

.....

Thirty-Seven

2006-08-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is robustious \roh-BUHS-chuhs\, adjective:1. Boisterous; vigorous.

.....

Ok, so I was watching Pokemon today (11 am, every Saturday, only on Kids Central).

As some of you might now, I used to be this huuuuge fan of Pokemon. I was around Primary Two to Primary 5 at that time. You know, when I was still a kid. I watched all the episodes, no sweat. I even had Pokemon erasers, Pokemon collectible cards, Pokemon tabung, Pokemon shirts: heck, I even had my Tok make me a Pokemon bag and a Pokemon bolster. I used to sell those Pokemon bags at school, remember? Who would have thought I'd be a trendsetter (though, admittadly, not the best of trends)? Less than 2 bucks each, and highly fashionable.

I even remember this one incident when people started accusing Pokemon as a satanic show. Anyone remember that? Boy, was I mad, and I didn't hide that fact either. I'd say to anyone who was willing to listen: "Pokemon maknenye Pocket Monsters, bukan setan!" I was angry and indignant beyond imagination, so much that I almost cried. Yup, I was that in love with the show. And it didn't help that ~~Ash Ketchum~~ Pikachu was cute, either.

So, anyway. I was watching the show again today, and Ash was fighting one of those gym battles he has. I could not help but cheer and punch my fist in the air, shouting "Woohoo!" or "Yessa!" (Please take note that Mona and Loi were watching too, and they were not as excited as I was, proving just how mature I am). I couldn't help it! I felt like a kid again, and well, the battle was cool.

So, I'm dedicating this post to Ash Ketchum, the ~~cute~~ boy who is still 10 years old throughout all these 4 years. (Sadly, he's too short for me)

.....

Thirty-Six

2006-08-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is lazy, meaning not very rajin.

.....

Yup, that's the word of the day, and that's the way I'm feeling right now, too. Short post coming up. And I mean, short post.

I started school with a cat running away from these screaming girls, and then it slammed head-first onto my leg.
I ended school by sitting on a seat on the MRT with an approriately-written sign that read "Reserved for the Super Super Hungry".

Hahah. That's it.
Thanks for bothering!

.....

Thirty-Five

2006-08-22T16:18:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is tete-a-tete (prononced tate-uh-tate), meaning private, confidential or familiar.

.....

Whoa.
Who would have thought?
I ate only two spoons of nasi goreng for sahur yesterday, but didn't get hungry at all throughout the day.
I ate my usual, proper breakfast for today's sahur, and my stomach ended up growling 6 times while I was in the library!
Weird! Not to mention pathetic.

Speaking of the library and of being pathetic, I rememer this one incident I had last month or so, methinks. I had just gathered quite a number of books in my arms and was heading over to where the seats were so that I could take the load off my arms. So, there I was, walking and reaching my destination, when I accidentally dropped one of my books on the floor.

Woops.
It wasn't very loud though. I mean, it was just one book, and it's not like the noise echoed through the library or anything. But then this man, sitting on one of the seats (big DUH) and reading his newspaper, looked at me and gave this look:

O^O

He pouted and jelinged, and worst of all, he actually said loudly, "Tsk tsk tsk"! You know, that sound you make that usually accompanies a wagging finger and a look that says "Ish, ish, ish, horrible!"? Aiyaaa!!! It was so frustrating, him looking so inferior that way. I wish I can say that I glared back at him and he shrunk back in fear, because that's what I wished happened, but I'm too nice a girl - okay, too coward a girl and instead whispered meekly, "Sorry".

I am so ashamed of myself sometimes. I wanted to knock that guy with the book I dropped.
Ehem. Anyway.

I almost broke my fast today (I almost typed "Open my fast". You know, "Buka puasa"). My stomach did grumble six times, after all, even though I wasn't feeling too hungry.

And then my conscience had to butt in.

Me: Maybe I should buke puase...
ConscienceMe: And why?!?
Me: Well, my stomach grumbled six times...
CMe: And...?
Me: And... My stomach hurts!
CMe: Don't be a dramamama lah, you!
Me: I'm not a-
CMe: You're FASTING!!! You're supposed to be hungry!!!
Me: .... Oh yeah.

So here I am.
Still fasting.

.....

Thirty-Four

2006-08-21T17:49:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is vagary, meaning an extravagant, erratic, or unpredictable notion, action, or occurrence.

.....

Did you know that today is Isra' Mi'raj?
And that I have not eaten anything the whole day except for two spoons of nasi goreng?
And that baldness was considered the ultimate feminine beauty in Egypt?

I also read at a trivia book (kudos to Kk Han for borrowing it) that, in Medievel times, people who were sentenced to death were hung in such a creative way that they would die a slow and agonising death. In order to prevent the unfortunate dude from suffering, friends or relatives would pull his leg so hard that his neck would snap, so that he would die a quick death.

Aiyoo. Imagine having your neck snapped. You can probably hear it snap. Ouch.

Anyway, school was kinda fun today, although I kinda yawned a lot cos it was kinda of a boring topic for me. I talked a lot with Mus, too.
Oh, I know it annoys Zahira and Nabihah (and maybe even SNN too, but, being SNN, she wouldn't say anything. I think). At one point -during Hadith- Zahira said, "This isn't show and tell, guys," which really mean "Shaddup alreadi lahhhh". Heheh. Sorry lah, ey. Me mouth very the big one.

Not that I'll be queiter after this, mind you.

Oh, oh, speaking of Science!
When Tchr had just came in and had stood in front desk, I had this little piece of eraser in my hand, a piece that I had tore off my eraser (I have 5 erasers, by the way. Mus ade 3 jer. Haha). So I was holding that piece of eraser between my fingers, and I wanted to flick towards Fiq a couple of seats away from me. But then I guess I underestimated my strength, because when I flicked it, it fleeeeeeewwww and hit Tchr's head!

Nobody else noticed, and I myself wasn't so sure if it hit her head, but Tchr was looking and rubbing her head as if wondering if some piece of the ceiling and fell and dropped her head. Me, I sat as quietly and as nicely as I've ever been the whole year.

Hahah.

And poor Mas was feeling so left out today. I actually think that she's always like that, everyday -duduk sendiri, diaaaam jer- but for some reason, she voiced it out today, which is fine by me. Unfortunately, when Mus and I do talk to her, she's daydreaming and isn't listening to us. Merajok ke ape Mas? ^_^

Ok, will stop now. Just wanna leave some stuff Mus and I said.

Mus: *describing this blogskin* I want it, but it's sooo small, and then there's this black space...
Me: Uh? Black?
Mus: No, mane ade black!

Mus: Wahidah always SMS-es a lot of stuff to me.
Me: Really?
Mus: No, not really.

Mus: Dee, you're worth 5 bucks to me.
*Silence*
Mus: Gerrard and I have a special connection.

*Suhanah had just translated this Arabic word*
Mus: Just how do they remember all those words, anyway?
Me: *thinks for a moment* Maybe they read a lot of Arabic storybooks?
*Pause, then we both snicker at the same time, like yeah right*

.....

Thirty Three

2006-08-18T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is adumbrate, meaning to indicate or suggest something.

.....

I really, really, really don't mean to be sentimental, emotional, or philosophical, because truthfully, those 3 things annoy me. Especially philosophy. But I haven't been posting for so long, and now that I have something to type, what excuse do I have not to?

Dissappointment is something that all of us can't avoid, and I'm not just talking about being dissappointed (excuse my spelling, please) with yourself. I'm talking more about being dissappoined by other people. Especially the ones who mean the most to you. In fact, I've heard of this saying that goes : "It's the ones you love who will hurt you the most". And it's true, of course. If you don't care about that person, you won't care what he or she says, and you won't be hurt at all.

And being disappointed with those close to you - like family and friends - is ok, right? It's normal.

I also learnt a little bit about trust today. I would be lying if I said that there is one person who I absolutely totally trust, because I don't. Yeah, there are people out there with whom I've shared secrets and thoughts with, but I can't 100% trust them, you know? I guess it's because there are some things that have happened in the past which made me doubt them.

But, then again, isn't that what trusting is all about? Taking a blind leap of faith, even if you have doubts?

Ok! Enough!
I can't stand all that emo.

Another thing I learne today is that I love ugliness. I don't why. Maybe I subconciously beg to differ?
Like, for example. I know I'm not a drop-dead gorgeous kind of girl, and I know there are people who don't think I'm at all pretty (i know ah! jangan nak bedek!), but I'm proud of that. I'm happy that I don't look nice.

And another thing. People are always wanting to be unique and smart and be able to be and do all sorts of things. They wanna be pretty and funny and talented. But what's wrong with being simple and boring and common?

After all, Allah loves the simple boring common people.
Isn't that why He created so many of them in the first place?

.....

Thirty-Two

2006-08-12T03:11:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is eremite, meaning a hermit, especially a religious recluse.

.....

Just came home from NLB's Library Book Sale. They were all second-hand and, more importantly, all terribly boring. It was not worth it, going there. And the queue was so long! The only good thing that I got from going to EXPO was buying Burger King's Mushroom Swiss Double Cheeseburger (yum!) and ice-lemon tea.

I went to Marinah's sports day event before that, too, at Tampines Station. I left early, so my breakfast consisted mainly of a Hershey bar and Pepsi Cola. Healthy, huh?

I have to memorise two things this weekend: Hadith and Arabic debate. Memorising isn't usually a problem with me, but considering the mood I am in right now, just thinking about memorising makes me feel lazy.

.....

Thirty-One

2006-08-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

Today's word of the day is piebald, but this computer is so slow I can't be bothered to find out what it means. Check it out yourself.

.....

Ok, so I went home with Munirah today, along with Fiq and Anna and Loi and Dinah. Anyway, Mun Loi Fiq and I were waiting at the bus stop for bus, so to pass time, we played this Maths game. You know, the one that goes like ths: Person A thinks of a number. Then Person B has to say, "Ok, plus the number you think of with blablabla, then minus with blablabla, then you get Bla!"

So I played the game with Mun.

Me: Think of a number. Any number you want.
Mun: Ok...
Me: Just don't make it too big, cos it would be difficult for you to do the equations and everything. You know?
Mun: Pasallah! *after a couple of seconds* Ok, dah.
Me: good. Now add the number with 3...
Mun: Ok....
Me: Then minus the number you were thinking of.
Mun: Right.
Me: You got 3, right?
Mun: Yes!!

Ok, so that one was pathetic. I tried another one on her; a proper one this time.

I instructed her to pick a 4-digit number, then to shuffle the number so that she would have 2 4-dogit numbers. Next, she had to minus the small one off with the bigger one to get another 4-digit number, and out of this 4 digits, she has to circle one number.

"But don't circle a 0," I said, "Becayiuse then it would be another circle in a circle and, uh, I wouldn't be able to understand it when I read your mind." Loi rolled her eyes.
"Like for example," I continued, "If you choose 1234 and shuffle it to 4321-"

Loi burst out laughing. Mun gasped.
"How did you know?!?" she asked wildly.
"Know what?"
She showed me the paper she had written on: the first one she wrote was 1234; the second one
was the shuffled 4321.

"Ok ok," Mun said, "Try again."
There were a lot of other troes after that, but I never did manage to correctly guess the circled number. Once it was because I calculated wrongly, but mostly because she did the procces wrongly.

"Mun! You can't minus 8888 from 9999! You're supposed to shuffle the numbers! Not write new ones!
"Mun! 5421 mane boleh shuffle jadi 2124!
"Loi, calculation is wrong. It's supposed to be 11 when you minus it off, not 10."

It was just before we got off the bus that I finally got it right. I taught Mun how to do it, too.

By the way, today was poem-sharing for English, except that these poems were the ones that we were suppoes to write over the holidays. I think I mentioned that before here, right? The first poem that i tried to write took me 3 days, and even then I got so stuck that I threw it away and wrote a new one, which took about just an hour or so. Waste time je buat the first one.

There were, surprisingly, a lot of depressing or sad poems. I told Mas that I didn't like them.

"You have to see it from the writer's point of view," Mas said, "If you were the writer of a poem that's depressing, and someone told you that they didn't like it, would you be happy?"
I thought about it, then admitted, "No."
"Ah see?"
"But," I continued, "Later on I would understand why because people don't like them, because my old poems are depressing, and now I don't like them."
"Alah Dee ni."
"Just don't argue with me lah Mas."
"No. I WANT to argue with you."

I don't think that people write poems because they are depressed or sad, though. I think it's because sadness and depression are the easiest emotions to write about. It's not easy writing happy poems, you know, even though you are a very happy person. It's just easier to write sad stuff.

.....

Thirty

2006-08-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

A lot of people don't like the new Spore song kan?
I like it.
Though, admittedly, a little cliche-d.
But don't diss cliches!

.....

Ten Things that Make Me Singaporean

1) I let myself be forced into running for the train - even if the train is one minute away from arriving, and even if I haven't reached the station.

2) I eat durians and I love 'em.

3) I'm fluent in speaking Singlish.

4) I know how to say 999 in Tamil.

5) ......

6) uh ......

Uh!
I can't think of anything else!
I'm not Singaporean enough!
Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

Oh well. 4 out of 10 is better than nothing.
Happy 41st Birthday Singapore!
I can't believe my parents are older than you.
(Opp. Pecah rahsie dorang)

.....

Twenty-Nine

2006-08-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

People sometimes had weird names for me when I was a kid.
Princess Diana.
The Hardy Girl.
I think I half-liked it, though.

.....

I'm a hard-cover sorta book, meaning to say that when it comes to feelings, I don't express them all that well. Sometimes I'm annoyed by people and I want to strangle them, but I don't say anything because I don't want to be mean. Sometimes I'm hurt but I don't say anything because I don't want to cry. You know, stuff like that. People do that all the time, right?

But the thing that I find hardest to express, even by words (which I always find easier to use), is how much I may love certain people. Like my family, or some friends.
I think people who express themselves easily tend to be frustrated with me over that.

Like if Kk Han begs me to say "I love you", I just reply, "Wait for your wedding day, hon."
If Mus says "I love you Dee," I'd just say "Ok" (which makes her irritated. She'd force me to say "I love you too", but she has yet to win)
And there was that one time when Mun said "Dee, I will love you forever and ever," which made me surprised because it was so... random and out of the blue. The reply that came from me was, "Yeah, I know. I love me too".

My Baba and I talked about it once. Saying "I love you", I mean. He finds it weird that people these days are saying it so much. Like this talk show where the host was calling her guest, and when she ended the phone call she said "Yeah, ok, bye. Love you."

People are passing those words so much these days, to the point of it being casual, that you just don't get the meaning of 'love' anymore. When you say that you love someone, it means that you are willing to sacrifice your life for that person, give up your liver if you have to, things like that. But because people are so easily saying 'I love you' to people like it's nothing, they just don't get the meaning anymore.

Me, I wish that people won't beg me to say I love them. Malu lah.
Some things don't need to be said, you know what I mean?

.....

Twenty-Eight

2006-08-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

The worst has yet to come,
The worst has yet to come,
Wait for the speeches folks,
The worst has yet to come.

.....

Even though the speech was so called 'the worst that is yet to come', it wasn't bad at all. Shorter than I expected it to be, anyway, even though I was just aching to stretch my back. Literally, aching.

But after lining up, saying the pledge and singing the national anthem (thank you Mas), the contigents of the Inter-Madrasah Tournament walked past the crowd, waving our flags at them and smiling, parade-style. Me, I was laughing. It was hard not to. I'm not sure why, but it was funny, in a way! You kinda feel stupid, waving your flags and grinning like an idiot infront of everyone, but at the same time you feel this kinda rush to have all those people from your school cheering for you. Fun!

The weird thing was that, while I was laughing with Mardhiah beside me and walking down the track, this photographer with a huge belly, a huge camera and a huger smile pulled me and Mardhiah off the track! Well, not literally pull lah. It was more like he pointed the two of us out and beckoned us away from the walking parade. Interesting, I thought. What was going on?

It turned out that we were going to take a picture with Yaacob Ismail and this other important guy! (Malu nye tak tahu name) I wonder if it's going to be in the newspaper or something. Tak mau! Entah-entah budak sekolah mane entah cakap: "Eh kite nampak budak ni that time! Seleneger ah die!".

Hahahah. But better me than them. :P Perasan.

After that, all us contigents stood in front of the crowd and waved our flags (which we got for free but had to return in the end) in tune to the Singapore songs that were playing. There was this one song called "Bumiku, Bumimu", and the only lines we all sang were:

"Bumi bumi bumi bumi bumiku, bumi bumi bumi bumi bumimu"; and
"Oooohhh"

Haha.
Then went to our seats.
The contigents all sat at the very top, although there were a couple of others who went down. There was a break, where everyone ate and drank while singing along to the songs played. Then there were the boys' track and field events. That was fun! Seeing them run made me miss running myself. Mas and I kept betting on who would win. I won a couple of times. Heehee.
The sad thing was when this guy, who was leading and running so quickly, started to slow down and actually fell. Not the oh-mak-pochot trip. More like the fainting kinda fall. It was scary.

I didn't think he would fall, but Mas knew better because she had seen one runner fall before. It did look scary.

After the track and field events were the football match between MUIS United and Asatizah United. Hahah kelakar title die! Cute. I supported MUIS, mostly because they were wearing nice red jerseys, and the won! 4-1! Haha. Not bad.

Thennn it was the time for all the contigents to come down and get their medals. I actually wanted to get on the podium (as did everyone else), but Kk Syahirah beat me to it. No matter. We got gold! ^_^

Aljunied won overall, which is good, because them and us sorta have this unspoken alliance with each other. That's what I felt, anyway. The cheered for us during the girls' track and field tournament, and we cheered for them.
The weird part was when all the contigents from Aljunied ran a victory run around the track. I mean, the boys run ok lah. Boys will be boys right? But the girls...
Ehem. Takmo cakap bende tak baik! Besides, they won, so what do they care, right? Congrats Aljunied!

Btw, a biiig thanks to Amirah and Mus for taking those photos for me.
And Happy Advanced 41st Birthday Singapore!

.....

Twenty-Seven

2006-08-07T16:09:00.000-07:00

The Kite Song.
By Sape Ntah Griffin.
It's a really nice song.
But I can't find it.

.....

Classes started off with English. Poem lesson! I came up late for class because all the contigents had a de-breifing on tomorrow's parade, so when I voluteered to read the poem I had brought (How Did You Die by someone) I was rather breathless when I read the poem, which was a pity because it really was beautiful. I had wanted to read it smoothly so that the class would be astounded by how pretty the words are, but I ended up reading it like this:

"Did you tackle the trouble *pantbreathe* that came your way *breeeaaathe*
With a resolute heart *holdbreath!* and cheerful? *release breathe*"

Pathetic really.

At the end of the lesson, Cher told us that since we had 3 days of holidays (I should've known this was coming), she was sure that we could spare at least one hour on writing a poem. Brilliant! Or at least, that was my first thought.

"Can we hand in a poem that we've written before?" I asked hopefully.
"No," she rejected, "I don't want a basi poem." I internally slumped.
"Haha!" someone laughed, "Basi poem awak."

She meant it in joking manner, but I wanted to strangle her.

I'd love to say more, by the way, but I don't have time.
Can't wait for tomorrow!
(Actually, I can wait for tomorrow)
(Have to line up for one hour T_T)

.....

Twenty-Six

2006-08-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Excuse me for that Japanese song.
I know you probably think I'm weird.
But that's okay. Weird is okay.
... Do you guys even know I have a japanese song in here?

.....

I'm finding less and less things to talk about, but I'll keep trying.
There's just the usual, normal, stuff, you know?
I'll have to think on what to write for couple of days.

Hmmmm......

.....

Twenty-Five

2006-08-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

Wah, new skin!
What do you think? Nice right.
I've been thinking about putting up a password again.
But maybe I don't need one at all.
Trust is one of the basic foundations of marriages, right?

.....

I've been thinking. Maybe I can't ever be 100%, totally, absolutely honest. Why? There are quite a couple of reasons to it.

1) Writing in blogs is something that should be done with care. Unfortunately, you can't write freely in your blogs. You just can't. It's risky; you might accidentally get in trouble with the law. Any kind of law. (Eh teringat pasal debate dulu pulak). Even if I truly hate this person, or this place, or some other third thing, I can't really say it here because you're not suppossed to. A blog is open to the whole wide world and beyond. Having freedom in writing blogs is not a luxury that I can afford.

2) Sometimes I'm a jerk, and sometimes I'm a nerd, but overall I consider myself as a good kid. A nice enough person, you know? And I really don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings by telling too much of the truth. Sometimes, it's better to say good things about people, even if you're lying when you do so. What you don't know can't hurt you. Most of the time, anyway.

3) There's no 3rd reason.

So, um that's pretty much about it.

.....

Twenty-Four

2006-08-03T18:02:00.000-07:00

Today is like, the only time I can have limited access to the computer.
Usually I only get half an hour.
But it just so happened that I had to go over to a friend's house for a project.
So most of the hours that I could have played were spent doing Arab instead.
The one day!

.....

So. I was going by some old files last night cause Mas wanted a poem of mine that I wrote long ago. We have to bring at least two poems tomorrow for our English lesson, you see. Mind you, though, reading back on that poem, I thought it sounded lame. It is lame. But Mas loves it, so what can I say? To each her own.

Anyway, as I was saying. There I was, going back through the old files in the computer, when I saw this file that said "Dee also says...". So naturally I got curious. I found out, upon opening it, that the file was actually this sorta interview/quiz thing that used to be popular a month or so ago. People used to post these kinda stuff all the time back then. So when I read my own interview-thingy-nijy, I was surprised. Surprised, not in the bad way, but not exactly in the pleasant way either. Just, surprised.

I had no idea that I used to answer questions like that.
Here I'll show you:

have you ever been late for school?

- Yeah, once in primary school. I was so busy opening my birthday presents that Saturday morning that I lost track of time.

did you do any good deeds for the past month?

-Sure.

how will you celebrate your next birthday?

-What do I look like to you, a fortune-teller? That’s almost 356 days minus minus away dudette. Takmo kiasu ah.

do you love chalets?

-Never went to one, though I think I would love it if I did.

describe your hair:

- they’re on my head.

did you eat breakfast today?

- I eat it everyday. I am a firm believer in that breakfast is an important part of the day. Oh, and second breakfast, too.

what will you do this year?

- I will grow a year older, for starters. And hopefully complete the surviving 7 resolutions that I still have.

who was the last person you met?

- My cousins and grandparents.

why do you think the zebra is black and white?

- Because it helps them blend in with the tall grasses that surrounds them. I mean, yeah, so the grasses me are yellow and green. But who wants yellow and green stripes, right? Black and white is cool.

what is your favourite colour?

- Blue, green, orange, and black. Wait, that’s colours. Mahamaa ah. Ask me again next month or so though; I tend to change my mind about my favourite colour(s).

what do you notice in the same sex?

- That we’re not of the different sex?
Okok. Serious.
I notice that when they say ‘hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn’, they really REALLY mean it.

do you want to hug anyone?

- No.

what's the worst fast food restaurant?

- Can’t think of one, except that if I had to choose... KFC. I have never like the chickens. I lick my fingers after eating the chicken only to spit the taste out.
Ok lah, not to that extreme. But I don’t like their chickens.

what's the best dream you had?

- Can’t think of one, actually. My dreams are usually the wacky weird kind, not those blissful heavenly kind.

where did you go today?

- To the pyramids of Giza. I especially loved the, uh... pointy pointy parts! Yeah that’s it. The points. *beams proudly*

any bad habits when you get nervous?

- Ohh yeahh. Cold feet. Either that or I feel this warmth, surging up and down my body.

is trust or love important?

- Both are actually.

what would you wish for?

- My very own library. Or full marks for every exam/test I take. Or to fly! Or to make people see things! Or or or...
Ok lah. Wishing for a thousand wishes is best.

one sport you hate?

- Curling. Like, wha-??

when was the last time you cried?

- Last Friday.

how is the weather now?

- Go see for yourself lor. Malas ah nak tengok luar tingakap. On a dark night like this though...I’d say sunny. Yeah.

when is bedtime for you?

When I’m beat, usually around 10 or later.

tattoos or piercing?

- Putting on dayak nye face paints.

how are you feeling now?

- Kinda like, o_O . When is this test ending??

how often do you visit the hairdresser?

- Not very often. Even when my hair is long, I don’t notice cos I tie it up all the time. Besides, no time ah nak gi.

how do you handle proud people?

- Depends on how proud they are. Usually I just bear with it.

will you get another computer?

- The answer is same to the answer if William Hung asks me to marry him.
It’s NO, by the way. -__-“

who made you smile today?

- Quite some people. Mostly Loi for today, for two reasons; 1) She’s not too goofy till she gets on my nerves; and 2) She’s not being that slappable – chokable – brat she can sometimes be today.

favourite place?

- Don’t really have one, though I’d go for either library or home.

when will you get your pay?

- Tomorrow. Being the Best Mama Duck / Coolest Kid Around ain’t an easy job. It’s a heavy burden and all, but hey. Someone’s gotta do it.

So yeah, that's it.
I don't know why, I was just surprised with some answers that I gave.
Like I can't even tell how my hair is?!?
Of course, if you just say 'Longshortcurlystraightblablabla', it would be kinda boring.

Oh, and a couple of things to note:
1) I have decided on my favourite colour. It's green.
2) I don't say dudette anymore. Aiyaa sounds so lame.
3) I have no idea what kind of sport curling is. O_O
4) I just visited the hairdresser. It's short and nice now.
5) That observation I made about the same sex? Very unwise and very, hmm, close-minded. That's the best thing I can say about women? Not all women like that what.

If you ask me now, I'd say "All girls want to be pretty and look good. No matter what they say to you, nor no matter how tomboyish they are. All women wanna look nice".
Right right? I mean, I like to look nice too. It's just that I don't bother as much as other people might.

Btw, something happened this evening that was kinda weird.
I was waiting at the front gate with Mas, waiting for the rest of the group members to come down. School had just finished, and we were waiting for the others so that we can head over to Syahidah's house together.
So anyway, there we were, standing around thinking our own thoughts, when this Kakak came up to me and asked, "Takot tak pegang frog?"
Now, I'm not usually afraid of animals or of holding them, be it worm, spider, bug, or cat. But a frog? You gotta admit, they're kinda icky. Worst part is, they jump. High. So of course, I said "No".

I guess it's kinda automatic.

The Kakak grabbed my wrist and pulled me along to a corner of the courtyard. Mas, Amirah and Basirah followed.

"Why do you want me to pick up a frog?" I asked.
"We want to sabo a-" this sister behind her started, but then Kakak interrupted, "I just bought these two frogs, and I want to transfer them from the tank to a box."

Three thoughts flashed through my head then:
What's wrong with the tank?
If takot pegang frog, asal beli?
Sabo?!? Did she say sabo?!

I frowned. We all know what sabo is. It basically means playing a trick on someone, and not just your average, boo! kinda joke either. The nasty kind of joke.

"You know," I interjected, "I can't help you if you're going to something evil. I'm a good person.
I save the world, you know."

Ok, so I didn't say the save the world part. But I did protest.
The Kakak wasn't going to back down, though. After a lot of screaming and nervousness (I stayed to watch. You gotta admit, it was interesting), they finally managed. The frogs didn't jump, but they sure didn't have any water. Poor things.

"You can't sabo someone!" Basirah said behind me, aghast and shocked.
"Look, don't worry," another sister reassured her, "Our friend likes frogs."
I snorted. Yeah right.

But I didn't do anything. None of us did. We just watched them walk a little way off, the white box clutched in the Kakak's hands.
I felt sorry for the sabo-ed person, but walked away.
I guess you can't save the world all the time.

.....

Twenty-Three

2006-08-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

Seri says in her blog that Liyana says her (Seri's) cheeks are chubbier.
Seri was offended and concludes chubby = fat.
I remember all the times my cheeks were pinched.
How offended does that make me?
Hmm.

.....

OK, so I just watched the Shallow Hal movie for the second time a couple of days ago. Two days ago, I think. And it's a good movie. It's funny, and it has this nice moral behind it, you know? Never judge a person by the cover. It's the inside that's important. You know, 'beauty is only skin deep', and all.

But really, I don't think anyone 100% believes 'beauty is in the inside'. Well, ok, maybe there are some good, halos-on-their-head kinda people who do truly believe that. But me, I'm more of a skeptic, you know? Like, if people believe about inner beauty so much, how come they wanna look pretty in the outside?

Kk Han says that as humans, we're all naturally judgemental. As much as we know that you can't judge a book by its cover, we tend to do it accidentally anyhow. You see a girl with a small mouth who isn't smiling in the MRT (mainly, well, me) and you'd think that I'm this sourpuss girl, which, contrary to myth, is not true because I like to laugh a lot. If you see a purple dude with a huge grin, a long tail, and a green belly, you'd think he's a cute dude (example, Barney), when in truth, he's actually evil. So you see what I mean.

What Kk Han says is true, but interestingly, there's a reason behind why we're so judgemental in the first place (I read about this in a book about human brains once). Interestingly, the reason why we like pretty people so much is mainly because we want to find a good mate.

You know how animals produce offsprings so that their species won't be extinct? Well, same goes for humans, except that we don't really realise it that way. Anyhow, the reason we like pretty people is because when you have beautiful skin, great eyes and a slim body equals to: a young and healthy person! And when you're young and healthy, you have a greater chance of producing more offsprings. Not only that, you're children would look fabulous too! So people want to, uh, mate (?) you. Basically they like you ah.

I know, sounds as if we're animals. But hey, that's the way the brain is. Just take it or leave it.

.....

Twenty-Two

2006-07-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

Ok... so the password barrier is down.
I have no idea how it happened.
This would, hopefully, be temporary.
I'll have to figure out how to fix it.
When I bother.

.....

Ok, honestly? I have no idea what to talk about.
It's the same old, same old Sunday. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to finish my Maths homework, but not now. I don't know I'm so lazy to do Maths. I guess I just don't particularly care much about it, although that's not much of an excuse. I'm going to have to do it today, later rather than sooner.

At least I finished studying Tauhid already. Beats me why I always find it, well, easier than other subjects. Don't misunderstand though; it's not like it's my favourite subject or anything. But because Tauhid consists mostly of memorising, I do well in it. It's easier for me to memorise stuff rather than figure things out (like Maths, for example).

Hmm. That makes me sound kinda stupid. Like I can't use logic. Ahahaha. ^_^ Pape lah.

But my favourite subject is English. Strange thing is that I do only average for it during exams. Like, just an A, which is rather dissappointing. I love to write, see?

Thinking about it... English lessons are kinda boring. Okay, not boring, more like uneventful. We do excercises, and share comments on certain things, stuf like that. You know what I'd really love for English lessons? Books. You know, you're assigned to read certain classics, like Hamlet or To Kill a Mockingbird, instead of figuring out how to use past tense and adjectives.

So putting it that way... maybe English isn't my favourite subject. I like English, but it's just not a favourite subject of mine in school.
Sometimes, school can be a little boring. Oh, I know, it's very immature of me to say that. Oh, I know, school is very important for me future. But, I dunno - being the person that I am, I want things that are interesting. Exciting. I want to learn things that I like, that gets your interest, you know? Learning from textbooks and doing tests are sometimes just dragging.

But that's what I get, and there isn't really much I can do except, well, drag along with it. Studying, as Dinah said once, is something that gives people a sense of purpose.

But I'm still getting mixed feelings about school.
Maybe I'm just too eager to do interesting things.
Maybe I should just wait for the real time to come.
Maybe I should just enjoy studying for now.
Maybe I should....
Maybe...

.....

Twenty-One

2006-07-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

I think, if I can choose whatever it is I can be, I would like to be an acrobat.
If I can't fly, then flying in the air for a couple of seconds is the next best thing.
Plus, you get to do all these amazing stunts.
And people would go, "Wow. That's cool."

.....

Have you ever been praised by someone - I mean, really praised by someone - and found that you're not quite sure what to say?

You can say 'Oh, don't be silly'. That way you would be humble.
Or you can say 'Thanks', which is, I think, one of the best replies to praises.
But me, I always get stuck with what to say, which is funny, considering I usually have a lot to say about nothing and everything.

I mean, okay, let's imagine here. You're sitting in your class, minding your own business, when someone starts off a conversation by saying to you, "I have a confession to make."

You're reading a book that time, and a really good one, too: 'My Sister's Keeper', by Jodi Picoult. Usually you don't like to be disturbed when you're reading, because you don't want to stop, but the tone of this person is very serious, and you know that you should listen. So you stop.

"What is it?" you say, intrigued despite yourself. A confession?
"It's just that," the person looks away for a second, then looks back at you, "I'm jealous of you."

You stared.

The person continues, "You've always been better at everything than me. Everything I can do, you can do twice as well." You try to interrupt, but she won't let you.

"Just let me continue," she says. And you do. So she does.

"I love to sing. But then it turned out that you can sing low notes so much better than I can.

I used to be good at drawing, too. When I was 11 or 12, I loved to draw all these cute pictures of girls and dresses, things like that. But then it turned out that you could draw better than I could. I stopped drawing.

I used to write poems all the time. Then I found that you write poems, too. You wrote them so well that I stopped writing poems because I got ashamed of mine compared to yours.

You're smart! Even though I work hard this year and got higher marks than you, you're still smart.

And there's running, of course. You're a good runner.

And you're so nice! Even though some weirdo or a geek at school talks to you, you'd laugh and treat them as you would to any other friend. Me, I can't even look at them in the eye.

When someone says something mean to me or bad about me, I want to scream, or burst into tears. I'm always affected. My emotions are always open and obvious. But you? You're strong. You fly by what they say. It's like you don't even care at all.

You're just... you're just an all-rounder. And I'm jealous of you."

When someone says something like that to you. When someone has a bad day because they think that they're lower than you. When you tell her she's pretty but she doesn't believe you.

What are you supposed to say then?

.....

Twenty

2006-07-27T16:06:00.000-07:00

So, in the spirit of Japan-ness,
I borrowed a Japanese grammer book.
I have been looking for it for some time now, you know.
But the second chapter is so complicated!
Needs time to digest.

.....

So, here I am, reading this email I just got that goes like this (I don't know if you guys have read it or not):

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.
>It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.
>
>This will cultimate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles
>of Earth.
>
>Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am . It will look like The
>Earth has 2 Moons. Don't Miss it.....
>
>The next time Mars may come this close only in 2287.
>
>NOTE: Share this with ur friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see
>it again
>

The first thing I thought was : "How do THEY know the people we know won't be alive by the year 2287? Kalau ajal belom sampai macam mane?"

The second thing I thought of was: "Ni mesti bedek punye". I mean, I don't really believe everything that comes into the email. With no proof, I stand unconvinced. I'm a skeptic sometimes. I mean, the only chance I'll believe this is if Channel5 News reports on it or whatever. Then I'll believe. Because they can't be wrong, right?

Of course, not everything needs proof. But...

But....

Egh. I don't what 'but' lah. I'd blame my fasting and say I'm too tired to think, but the thing is I'm just having a writer's block. I'm plain stuck, is all. What else about seeing Mars and about emails that I can possible talk about??
So I should probably talk about something else.

I love reading. I believe I read well. Not as in pronounciation or anything. More like, you know, I read a lot.
And I love writing. I also (would like to) believe that I can write fairly well. Biase biase nye kind ah.

And I love drawing too. But drawing is the one thing I'm not entirely satisfied with.
Drawing a person (you know, like a cartoon) is not as easy as it looks. I think I do the shape of the face ok. And the hair I draw is ok, too.

But the eyes! And the nose! And the mouth! They're extremely difficult. I have yet to learn how to draw them properly. For now I just draw two black ovals for the eyes and lines for the mouth. Pathetic.

And the fingers! Allah made them a work of art. In fact, they're so beautiful and so delicate I can't seem to draw them right. What do I end up with? PPG kinda hands. They look like paws.

And don't even get me started on the legs!
And they way you position the 'people'!

.....

Nineteen

2006-07-25T17:08:00.001-07:00

FINALLY.
The 'creating posts' page finishes loading.
What took it so long anyway?
Alamak, now kene rush.

.....

"Eh, die nye suare dah pecah!"
"Eh, a'ah lah!"

Now, don't get me wrong. That conversation between Mas and I was not about some guys we were staring at in the MRT. It was more like we were listening to some boys (about 12 years old, okay!) talking.

No lah, not because suare budak tu dah pecah (though, admittedly, it did sound funny, a 14 year old's voice coming from someone who looked 11. Or did I say 12?).
It was more because the 3 boys sitting infront of us were speaking Japanese.

Japanese!
I have a love for the language. I find it hard not to. Doesn't it just sound nice, rolling off people's tongues? Especially the double tts. Datte!
Anyway, I don't speak it very well, but Mas and I do know a little bit of Japanese. So when the boys said things like 'Nanda?' (meaning 'what is it?') or 'Yatta!' (meaning something like, 'Yessa!), Mas and I would go, 'Oh oh!' (meaning 'Oh oh I know what that means I'm so exicted oh my gosh I've heard of that word before and I know what it means!!!').

Thinking back... we must have looked pretty obvious. I wonder what those kids thought.
"What if the kids think you guys are flirting with them, hmm?" Dinah hissed.
"Jangan nak merepek lah!"
I wouldn't be surprised though, the way we were holding back our excitement everytime they spoke something.
So interesting!

(Or, in Japanese, 'Omoshiroii!')

.....

Eighteen

2006-07-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

I ran only once.
That was about 7 hours ago or so.
My feet are still aching though.
Wonder how long this will last?

.....

"This does not look too good," someone said.

I was sitting down on the side of the track behind the football field, with the other team members standing and sitting behind and beside me. I had to agree - things were looking quite grim. Two runners from our team were leading far ahead in the race when both fell just before reaching the finishing line. Not a good thing.

"At least Khairunnisa and Halimah won first place," I replied, looking around. A number of team members were already crying from the two runner's fall, which was kinda surprising. Who would thought that they would cry?

I must have looked real unconcerned compared to the others, because Sarah pointed out, "At least you don't look a little bit nervous."

I shrugged with a little smile, because it was kinda true. I looked down at my hands. They weren't shaking at all, which made me kinda confused in a way, because usually I'd be shaking and my heart would be pounding. My event - the 100m relay race - was up next, after all. But I felt strangely calm.

After a lot of waiting, the 100m relay runners were called. I glanced at Seri. Now my heart was pounding a little bit more. Finally.

The four of us seperated. I walked over to my starting line with an elder sister, an anchor like me, albeit that she was the anchor for the 100m senior relay race, not the juniors.

"Good luck," she said.
"Thanks. You too."

Waiting at the starting line were around 2 officials, my Malay teacher, and the four other runners. I stood behind my yellow line and looked around. The number of students who came from Maarif was astounding. The only other school with a bigger audience than ours was, well, this other school which I probably shouldn't name, because I'm about to say that they were loud. They were loud. Which isn't a bad thing of course. You're supposed to be loud.

I saw Seri's figure standing way ahead of me, and the other two sisters in their own posititons. I pulled up my sleeves a little. This was it. All that training, all the running, is going to be compacted into this 1-minute-something seconds.

And then the race began! Schools screamed their loudest as the first runners pounded their feet on the curve of the track, swinging their arms hard. I kept my eyes on Seri, who was leading in 2nd. Then she quickly passed on to Kk Shaheirah (I don't know how to spell the name), who quickly overtook the previously leading runner. I rubbed my hands together. She had passed it to Kk Aisyah now! I held out left arm high behind me, vaguely aware of the screaming crowd.

Then Kk Aisyah came, in the lead! She slapped the baton into my hand, and for a split second I thought I was going to drop it. But then it was in my hands, and I was pushing my feet off into a start. As I ran, arms swinging and head held up, I felt my adrenaline rush through me. The race, my part of the race, was on!

The next thing that happened was all a blur. I was running; I could hear the students screaming in anticipation, could see the officials in front of me; I had crossed the finishing line first; the crowd went wild! I jumped up and down and people I recognised streamed towards me, their face all mirror-ing the same expression. I saw Kk Han, Mas, Dinah, Seri, Fiq, Anna, Mus, everyone. We hugged, we jumped up and down, we yelled, we took photos, and I signed autographs.

Ok, bedek.
But it was a really, really, really, nice feeling.

A lot of other things happened after that, so many of them that I don't really have time to type them all. Loi's team won second place. The teachers had their own 100m relay race (each of 4 teachers ran 25m, passing the baton. our school won btw). And Syakirah, Asmah, Sarah and Kk Amirah won the most beautiful race I had ever seen. Not that I had seen many races, of course, but still.

I also found out that our time for the 100m relay event (the one I was in) was 1:09. Considering that our practices had always been 1:20+, you gotta admit, the new time was pretty neat.

After everything had died down a little, the event was done, and most of the spectators went on home. I had to stay behind though; there was the parade dress rehearsal to, uh, rehearse. Not much happened, except that we had to stand on the field, sing the National Anthem, and march in front of an imaginary audience.

After that, we went home.
And here I am.

.....

Seventeen

2006-07-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

Pay close attention.
This is verry important.
You must remember this, alright?
Pythagora's Switch in japanese is Pitagora Suicchi.

.....

Ok, so this is the first time I made a second post in a day in this third blog of mine.
Haha! Cool right cool right?
... Cool lah!

So, anyway. The first post was total blabberings about fake smiles (I don't know if you've read it or not). Now I'm going to post about the Track and Field Tournament. It's tomorrow!

(Btw, Loi is beside me picking her nose. I gave her a look, her finger stopped its work half-way, then she left.)

I'm having mixed feelings about it. I'm excited about it, because I love the sensation of running, but I'm also nervous. What if the other schools' are faster? What if I lose? What if I'm in the lead, and I drop the baton, and I come in last place because of it?

(When I said mixed feelings, by the way, I was talking about the tournament. Not about Loi picking her nose.)

Ish. Takot kalah seh.

I know. I should give myself a little bit of credit. I mean, my team's one of the best in school, right? That's why we're here in the first place. Because we can win!
All the same, note to self: must not be too overconfident. Keep left arm high behind you. Take the baton quickly, run! Don't drop it! Runrunrun! Nothing else to it now! Hands slice the air, run on your toes! Swing your arms, don't hold the baton like a torch! Push your legs, pushpushpush!!!!, and... waaaaa! The baby's out! Well done!!

Eh. I mean:
Push your legs, pushpushpush!!! and... reach the finishing line and into HunnyBunny's outstreched arms! Alright! I finished the race!

Yup. Must definetely note to self: must not be too overconfident.

Sixteen

2006-07-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get annoyed.
And sometimes, I get irritated (which basically means the same thing).
But most of the time, I just let it go.
Which makes me feel like a pretty nice person.

.....

Dinah and I talked about how, sometimes, someone's joke can be annoying or not at all funny, and how we would be torn then on whether we should laugh or not. Generally, we laugh because if we don't we'd look rude or dumb, but if we do, then our laughs would just be, well, fake. And generally, people don't like fake laughs. And personally, I don't like fake-laughing, either.

But I'd rather laugh, of course. Just for the sake of not hurting the other person's feelings, and for the sake of not looking down. You know, he who laughs last is slow, and all.

They say that you can tell if someone is really laughing or not by looking at their eyes. If they twinkle, then it means they really do enjoy the joke, or whatever it is that you said. If there isn't, then you should know what it means, eh?

Interestingly, fake laughs also happen on the internet. You know, on the MSN.

A conversation with a fake laugh would go like this:

Person A: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person B: I don't know, why?
Person A: Because he wanted to see the cow pee!
Person B: LOL!
Person B: ROTFLMAO!

Usually, generally, basically, when someone puts a LOL or a ROTFL or a ROTFLMAO, it means that they're just trying to be good listener and do what they're supposed to do, meaning that they have to laugh on cue. You can bet that they're not really laughing though. I know I don't.

Now, a conversation with a real laugh would go like this:

Person A: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person B: I don't know, why?
Person A: Because he wanted to see the cow pee!
Person B: hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Because when someone really is laughing, he or she would want the other person to know that they find the joke really funny. See?

Of course, not every hahahahahahahahahahahahahah guarantees real laughter on the other side. I'm just talking about myself. As usual. But that's ok, right? I mean, that's the whole reason why-

Alamak, must go. Mama is home, and angry that the house is messy. She's very concious about the cleanliness of our house, even in my room, which I somtimes find strange because, well, it is my room and I am the one who has to live with the pigsty, but I guess Moms will be moms. Besides, I try not to complain. I know I'll say the same thing someday. When I grow up. And become a mum.

Hah!! (Real, sarcastic, laugh)

Pitagora Suicchi!

.....

Fifteen

2006-07-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

I excercised quite a lot today.
Running...
Badminton...
Batu Merah...

.....

Twice already I have been to Khairunnisa's Salon in two consecutive days. I went twice because she cut my hair wrongly the first time. There was a bald spot at the back of my head! I went again today to ask her to cover it up.

Hahahah ok bedek.

I did go yesterday to have my hair cut. After meeting Kakak at Tampines MRT Station (I went home with Loi after school and took only 10 minutes to get ready. Record time! Not bad eh?), we went to Kembangan together. Khairunnisa Salon is right across the station.

Kak Han was really excited ("I'mgonnagetmyhaircutI'mgonnagetmyhaircut!" I had to slap her to keep her quiet. Haha ok bedek), so I gentlewoman-ly let her have her hair cut first. The hairdresser was the same lady I had the last time I went to the salon. She's a friendly lady. She thought that Kk Han and I were twins though, which I guess is a compliment to Kk Han.

"I want a layered cut," she said when the hairdresser asked her, "Between my ears and shoulders."

The hairdresser started by clipping up her hair all over the face, which was funny because she looked as if she had pigtails. I told her so, too.
Soon I got bored with Kk Han pouting her lips at me in the mirror, so I walked around and read some magazines. Mostly those tabloid, gossip kinds. I didn't read too much because I was having this headache (I wonder if it's because I drank Mug before eating anything).

After about, say, 15 minutes or so (I'm not sure), it was my turn.
I had no idea what kind of style I wanted.
All I really want is shorter hair out of my neck's way.

"So what kind do you want?" Hairdresser asked.
"Umm..." I looked at Kk Han. Help me!
"Uh," Kk Han looked at me, "She wants a fringe. Same length as mine."
"Same length eh?" the Hairdresser asked for confirmation.
"Yeah," I replied. Sounded good enough. Whatever goes.

I did not look up once throughout the whole cutting process, partly because I was afraid that I might cry if I see my hairdo, but mostly because I couldn't stand seeing myself with ponytails. When it was almost over though, I just had to look up.

Why is there a lump of hair on my head?? I wondered. I looked like a lohan.
But then she sprayed it, brushed it, smooothed it down, and then voila! I was done!
I have to say, I loked pretty good. Not too shabby, at least.
I grinned in the mirror at the hairdresser, and she grinned back.

So anyway. I went there again today because Loi was getting her haircut too.
She's actually really attached to her long hair, but she had to cut it anyway because, ehem, of a personal reason that she won't let me disclose.
Now, I'm all for being honest, but I'm not exactly lying or anything here, so I don't see why I shouldn't write that piece of information.

And that's it! My hair-cutting experience.
Loi says I look like Buttercup of the PPG.
Anna says I look like one of my drawings.
Frankly, I think my hair makes me look like a French Bon-Bon lady. I don't know what Bon-Bon means, of course, but it seems to fit.

Twice already I have been to Khairunnisa's Salon in two consecutive days, but I still don't know the hairdresser's name.
It sure isn't Khairunnisa though.
(I know because I asked)

.....

Fourteen

2006-07-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm fasting again today.
I don't feel like talking much, so this will be short.
I'm pretty beat.
(Hmm. I felt like I've used this excuse before...)

.....

Two things I want to say today.

1) My IQ dropped today.

Now, contrary to rumours, popular belief, or the way I look, I actually become smarter everyday. Don't laugh, it's true. But today my IQ level dropped and a couple of brain cells died because I did what seems to me the most ridiculous English excercise I had ever had to do as of this year.

The excercise in the workbook went something like this:

Qn 4) The mountaineers could (sea, see) the mountain peak ahead of them.

You're supposed to figure out which one of the words is more appropriate.
Hmmmmm....
Wonder which one is the correct answer. Tough decision, don't you find?

2) Keep your patience in check.

Especially if you're fasting.
Like me.

Take today's bus ride to Kembangan Interchange, for example. We pressed the button to go down at Kembangan, but did he stop? Nooooo! (Loi said we pressed it late, but don't listen to her! Listen to me!)

We pressed again, frantically. We figured that, ok, maybe we should just drop off the next bus stop (which wasn't too far) and walk the way back to the MRT Station.

But did he stop? Nooooo!
We had to wait in the bus alllll the way to Bedok MRT Station.
Mus and Dinah were so annoyed that they wrote down the SBS plate number.
You know, to complain.

Frankly, I wasn't that annoyed. It was pretty funny.
Besides, that driver was old. He's probably half-deaf or something.
Or maybe having a bad day? PMS PMS.

.....

Thirteen

2006-07-14T20:31:00.000-07:00

Running was brilliant.
It really does give you a sense of freedom.
Wrong timing given aside, of course.
That was slightly annoying.

.....

Mama was reading our (Kk Han's, Loi's and mine) blogs. She was pretty amused, actually, and watching her being amused over what we say amuses me. Like the last post I wrote about how I dress for school later than usual. She went something like 'How can I live with these kind of people??'.

"Maybe I should write a blog myself," she said thoughtfully.

I agreed immediately. I mean, wouldn't it be neat?

Her hands hovered over the keyboard, pretending to type. "'The girls are in the NTUC, buying a birthday present for a friend,'" she says, "'And here I am in the car, boiling under the hot sun. Beside me is the smell of cow shit.'"

"Cow shit?"

"Cow dung," she corrected herself, and continued: "'What are those girls doing? Urgh!! Maybe I should leave now, leave them behind? No, can't. Their bags are inside. Urgh!! No, no - astaghfirullah halaziim. I must be more patient. But... ahhhh! Where are they??? Astaghfirullah...'"

My mother is a good story teller. She changes her voice intonation, and waves her arms around excitedly. You can tell she's having fun, too.

Wouldn't it be fun if my mother - parents, come to think of it - had blogs? Neat seh! I wonder what they think of me. Oooh!!

And I wonder what the blog address would be.
Motheroffive.blogspotcom?

.....

Twelve

2006-07-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

It's - let's see - 3:10 in the evening.
And I'm having - let's see - cereal.
Koko Crunch.
It really has a wonderful chocolatey taste.

.....

I have never really known whether I am a morning, evening, afternoon, or night person. I go to school in the morning, chill in the afternoon/evening, and do my homework and stuff at night. So which one am I, exactly?

Maybe I'm a morning person. I like early mornings. Very peaceful and quiet. I mean, morning is when you start doing all the important stuff right? (Most of the time) People go to work in the morning. Students go to work in the morning. Birds (most) wake and sing in the morning. And I do some stuff in the morning.

I must be a morning person. I don't know why, but I must be.

I have a ritual every morning, you know. Not those burn-candles-and- dance-in-a-circle kind of ritual. Just something that I regularly do everyday. I do it over and over again, every morning. On weekdays, anyway.

First thing I do is wake up (who would have known!). Then I make myself Milo and two slices of bread. I eat. Sometimes I read while eating, but Mama would stop me. Next thing I do is pack my bag. Now, you have to understand that I pack my bag veeeeery slooooooooooowly. I like to take my own sweet time. There's also the chance that I might not be able to find a book or worksheet that I'm supposed to bring, so I get in a flurry. I have to be quick quick quick! Look on the shelves, under the bed, in the drawers, under that pile of clothes! Carik carik!

When and if I find the missing thing, I finish packing my bag. I check my handphone clock. Usually, I still have plenty of time to do whatever it is left that I need to do, but recently, I get late. So when I check my handphone clock: Alamak!! Dah pukul 6! Hurry!

I iron my clothes, bathe, leave the house. Meet Aba downstairs (he fetches the car), salam, wave byebye! Get in the car with Ma and Loi and drive off. Listen to IKIM.FM all the way to school (always and forever the tafisrul quraan segment). Mama drops us off at Mobile, we wave, then Loi and I walk the short distance to school. Help CikMilah, who is in the school driveway, pick the grocery bags. Then I help ZahZainab (she always comes with Cik Milah) carry her bags up to her office. We have small talk on the way up. When we reach her office, she gives me a biscuit or a chocolate bar as a show of thanks. (Recently she's been giving me Ferrero Roches. Neat)

I go up to class. It's empty, as always. Flick on the two light switches (I know exactly which now) and put down my shows and bag. Switch on the air-con. Erase the whiteboard and write the date. Then I sit down on my seat and either read a book or draw.

Next to come is (for most of the time) Zahira. We salam, sometimes talk a little. Then the rest come in: Fathin, Zakiyyah, Huda, Wahidah. The class wouldn't fill up with anymore people until about 7:15, when the students really start to pour in. And that's when my daily ritual ends.

So, that's about it.
I like the Morning Ritual.
It gives me a sense of purpose.
(I also have a Line-Up Ritual, but it's short. Maybe some other time)

Oh, and one more thing. I read in Seri's blog that she says 'What the heck is going on in this world of hypocrites, by the way? I've been observing several people, be it in class or the cyberworld. Hypocrisy and more hypocrisy. Geez. Why the pretence? Why? If you never really liked the ones you badmouthed about, then act like the real deal and stop faking every single move.'

She doesn't have a tagboard, so I'll say something here instead. You're probably never going to read this, Seri dear, but here's the thing.

Everyone is a hypocrite. But some people are simply more than others, I suppose. It's just that, majority of the people who are hypocrites don't realise that they are hypocrites. But they are. And it's not too bad a thing, so long as there aren't any bad intentions included.

Yes, people sometimes pretend to like someone when in fact, they actually don't. I don't think that's too wrong a thing either. Yes, it's cowardice. But I believe that it is also kindness. Sometimes you don't tell a person that you don't like him or her simply because you don't want to hurt his or her feelings.

Besides, did you tell these fake people that you don't like them being hypocrites? I doubt so.

Oh, I know you'll disagree and argue with me, Seri. That's okay. I'm just trying to be honest here.

Oh, Happy Birthday Kk Han!
I gave you the flowers, as promised.
And I also got you chocolates.
You know, to make up for that one dollar windchime I bought for you during one of your birthdays.
I still think the windchime is nice, though.
Anyway, please don't say anything about how I arranged the flowers.
I've heard it all from Aba and Loi already. So sad right?
Ok, enough about me. Happt Birthday, you!

.....

Eleven

2006-07-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

Light is a tricky thing to understand.
How is it able to create reflections anyway?
Yes, I know that light bounces off the mirror and all...
But shouldn't it just shine or something??

....

Three Things Today That Made Me...

*Happy
"Hmm... what made me happy today.... I can't really think of one. Not to say that I wasn't at all happy the whole day, but there wasn't anything that made me extra-happy than my usual happy, if you understand what I'm trying to say. But if I do had to point out three, the first would be when Zahira thanked me for writing 'Happy Birthday Zahira!' on the whiteboard. The second thing that made me happy was catching the 30 bus, and the last would be eating the kerangs me Tok brought home from Malaysia."

*Annoyed
"The first thing I was annoyed with today was when Kk Han cheered and giggled because Italy won. I was supporting France after all. The second thing that annoyed me was when Mus and Dinah were taking out 'chicken fats' from their bowls and going 'Eww, look at that'. I was indignant - I like chicken fats! - but said nothing. The third was when I was finishing my meal, and this cat came up to me meowing very persistently. She wouldn't take her eyes off me and attempted to jump on the chair beside me. She even followed me all the way to the dustbin. Annoying, but you had to feel sorry for her. I seriously wanted to feed her but thought against it. School rules and all."

*Laugh
"When I tease Mas about her being blind, when Mus made her jokes, and when Dinah and Loi chased after the MRT like idiots. *laughs* I admit, I ran for a couple of seconds like an idiot too, but then stopped because it was obvious we weren't going to make it. I told the other two that, but they didn't listen. Haha."

*Go "Oh shoot"
"When France lost ( ; _ ; ), when I forgot to buy Zahira's present, and when I found out that I couldn't fast today because I'm having my period. Wasted pahala. Not only that, I don't get to save 2 bucks."

Another thing made me go "Oh shoot". I realised that three other close people (Kk Han, Dinah, and Anna) are waiting in line for me to buy them birthday presents. ALL in the same week.

Shoot.

.....

Btw, Happy Birthday Zahira!
It's about time you joined the club, my friend.

Ten

2006-07-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

The road doesn't care what you look like,
Or what you do,
Or what you think.
All it cares is that you run every once in a while.

.....

Finding the day and time for track and field training that everyone is comfortable with is difficult, especially since I don't want to stay too late. Preferably till 6, max. It is in Queenstown, after all. It takes an hour or more to get there and back.

But running has been very satisfying. I like running on the track, so long as my tudung don't get flying onto my face. Must remember to pin it down next time.

I've been assigned, for lack of better word, to the 100-metre race. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I was among the fastest in the team. How nice! Kak Siti said that I had gotten fat (three cheers to family support!), but I don't really care. I'm still among the fastest! Hooray for me!

Aba lent me his sport shoes. Adidas. Quite heavy. I wonder if I would run faster with lighter shoes. Hmm. Must remember to try next time.

The adidas shoes belonged to my grandfather before he gave it to Baba. I think it's cool that I'm wearing hand-me-down shoes from my elders.

Training started much much later than it as supposed to yesterday. We had to be there by 4, but when Loi and I arrived on time, only one other kid was there. Annoying, actually, since I can't really tolerate late-comers. I'm kinda surprised that the sisters didn't lecture us.

And I only got to run twice. I want to run some more!
Btw, school tomorrow. Not much to look forward to.

.....

Nine

2006-07-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure what to write.
Ok, actually I do know.
I'm just lazy, is all.

.....

The two things that happened today are:

1) Prop lost.
2) Me and Loi got through to the next round.

Of course, it goes without saying that there are many many many other details, details of which I am too tired and too lazy to get into. Maybe some other time. Right now, all I want to do is chat with friends and just suurf the net.

Eight

2006-07-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the car.
Typing.
Sometimes you find pleasure in the strangest things.
Like just now.

.....

Last night, after my Isyak prayer, I prayed "Dear Allah. Please don't let me in the debate. I'm really tired of writing the script, as I'm sure you know. I feel like I deserve a break. So don't let me in, ok? You're the only one who can help me. Thanks."

(I know, not very formal or humble-ish at all. But I had no idea what exactly to say. Besides, I bet He knows what's in my heart)

This morning, after praying Subuh, I thought that maybe my prayer yesterday was a tad bit selfish. So I prayed something different.

"Dear Allah. Today's the big day. You know and I know that I said yesterday that I don't want to be in the debate. But I've decided that I'll accept fate IF you want me to enter. I mean, maybe that's best for the team right? Just, uh....... make sure I'm first or second speaker. Please. Thank you."

But who would have known that, watching the debate (yes, I wasn't chosen. amazing), I actually felt as if I wanted to join? Strange, isn't it? It looked like fun, even though the debaters lips were blue, and their hands were shaking, and my stomach was flopping 15 minutes before as I wondered whether I would be debater or not.

Stranger still was the fact that I wanted to become third speaker.
Weird!
But it did look like fun.

Maybe I just like to talk a lot.

.....

Seven

2006-07-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

You know that day, on the running track, when I was about to run?
I looked up at the sky and smiled.
It looked the same as always.
Just like at home.

.....

Nothing very interesting happened at school today. It was monotonous, to say the least, not to much somewhat tiring. I think it's mainly because I was tired and half-sleepy. Yesterday had been a pretty hecitic day, and I had barely enough time to sit down and rest. I had to be really tenacious on keeping awake during the last lesson today. Which happened to be Maths, incidentally. Which was no help at all.

Ok, jokes aside, Maths wasn't really boring or anything. I was just sleepy, was all. Mus was too, and Dinah and Anna. You had to feel sorry for Teacher. I mean, she obviously noticed. I thought about how bad she might feel if she saw us all wilting right in front of her eyes during her lesson, so I kept as alert and attentive as I could. Unfortunately, I also daydreamed a bit, but it wasn't for long, and I didn't miss anything important.

I can't help but daydream, ok! It's just a part of my system. I bet it's from thinking too much. Like, I think about graphs, then I'll think about businesses, then I'll think about my father (businessman), then I'll think about this show where the father blablabla, then I'll wonder if blablabla. But I'd snap back to attention pretty soon thinking Oh shoot I daydreamed again.

I know, it's weird.
But I like it, somehow.

Stayed back after school to finish the debate scripts. In truth, it's not really done yet. There's part 3 of 3 left, but I've got the idea of it pretty much planned out in my head, so I should finish it before Maghrib. Shouldn't be too hard.

Like I said, I think debates can be a bit too much of a fuss.
But I don't really mind writing the 'scripts'.
So long as I don't actually have to read it.

The tryouts went fine, btw. The results were supposed to be out today, but it wasn't posted. And the back of my thighs still hurt a little from running last Sunday. All the other 9 participants from my class have their legs hurting, too. If you go down the steps with us, and listen very closely, you might get to hear us mutter 'Owowowowowow' under our breaths for every step it takes. Just goes to show you just how many times we ran a year.

(This computer is so slow! Cannot watch PMK. Bloody computer)
(So where the bloody hell are you?!?. Ha ha ha)

Six

2006-07-02T13:10:00.000-07:00

Kk Han said that reading about my recesses was sad/depressing.
I can't say no, though, can I?
Maybe I am a sad person.
Hoho!

.....

Actually ah, I don't really think of myself as a sad person to look at or to know.
Maybe that recess thing just needs getting used to.
And who says I can't recess downstairs with them, right? I can just sit near them or something.
It's no big deal.

So, anyway. Today's the tryouts, and I'm pretty nervous, but I try to be a little confident of myself. Who knows? Maybe I will make it. I wonder how long the practice is going to be. Probably after Asar. Someone said it was after 6. I hope not! It's only the tryouts, after all.

The rest of the family wanted to follow us to the stadium to watch us tryout, but Lily was very firm in that she didn't want them to come. She, Mama and Aba argued for awhile. My parents said that she should get used to having an audience; Loi said that they would laugh at us. My dad says, "Well, of course", and Lily goes, "See?". I didn't say anything. I just half-smiled. I mean, what can I do? It's not like we can stop them if they want to watch them.

But Lily won in the end. I think Aba was a little hurt, like we didn't want people seeing us with him together. Really, that's not it. At all.
I remember one time when he said to me, "One day you are going to be embarassed to be seen with me."
"Pssh," I waved his words away, "No I won't."
"Yes you will," he insisted with a knowing smile. I didn't say anything. His words were pretty sad. I just smiled and repeated in my head I won't I won't I won't.

That was a couple of years ago. His premonition has yet to come true. I see no reason why I should be embrassed being seen with him.

I wonder if he's hurt. I hope not. If he is, then I'd rather he come. Just to make him feel better.

Speaking of feeling better, I thought about what it would be like if only one of us - meaning Loi and I - got through to the competition. I wonder if I will cry if only she gets through. How embarassing! The cryin part, I mean. Heck, I wonder if she will cry if only I get through.

But I made a decision, though, thinking about it. If only I get through, and Lily doesn't, and she cries, then I'd quit the tournament. I mean, only if she wants me to, of course. I don't think I can stand entering the competition knowing that Lily feels sad or bad about it. If it comes down to that, then I'd sacrifice the competition and leave. You know, to make her feel better.

It's nothing heroic really. Sacrifice isn't always heroic. In this case, it's really just selfishness. Because if she feels bad, I'd feel bad too.

Hey, who knows? Maybe both of us will make it.

Five

2006-06-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

This is going to be very brief.
Because I'm tired.
Because I'm fasting.

.....

Get this: we have another debate coming up.
And even though it's an English debate, I am NOT looking forward to it.
Unless I'm an audience.
But I'll never know till the debate day itself.

Long story cut extremely short, the debate is next Thursday. The topic is 'Journals/Blogs are Futile and Risky'. Hah! Of course, I don't think it futile at all. But it is risky.

Anyway, who cares? The point is,

I
do
not
like
debates.

Much.
Again, unless I'm an audience.
I just don't like all the fuss.

Or maybe I'm just too tired right now.
.....

Four

2006-06-28T15:36:00.000-07:00

My dad asked Lily to fast with me and him tomorrow, the three of us.
Lily said she would get too hungry.
I asked Baba if he was going to fast tomorrow.
He said would get too hungry too.

.....

Recess today was less difficult. I had already sat on the top canteen when Fiq came by and said, "Recess kat bawah lah". I didn’t argue. We both went down, found our seats, and ate. I sat a few seats away from Fiq so that, when the rest came, I was sitting at the table next to them, but not sitting exactly beside them. 'Alone together'. One of my favourite oxymorons.

So, anyway. No one talked, and no one did anything much, so I felt pretty good. I mean, it meant that I didn't miss much yesterday, right?

After I finished my lunch (I’ve always been the fastest eater), I excused myself and headed up for the classroom early. Besides Zahidah (who never seems to go down for recess), I was surprised to see Anna there too. She asked me to play badminton with her.

(Btw, I don't know how I long I can keep up sitting on the top and having Fiq drag me downstairs.
Again, I have no idea what to do tomorrow)

"In the classroom?" I asked incredulously.
"Sure," she replied.

Okay, I thought, why not? Alright, so the ceiling is too low. And it does seem ridiculous to play in our small classroom. But it was a lot of fun. The shuttlecock would occasionally hit a couple of heads, and would smack onto the ceiling a couple of other times, but otherwise it was completely harmless. And a lot of fun, did I mention that?

Lesson after that was Arab. Zah announced that we would be having an Arabic debate between our own classmates. There are around 6 teams, and mine is the 4^th. There’s Mas, Syahidah, Basirah, Amalina and me. There would be proper interventions during the debate, there are rules, bla bla bla. It doesn’t matter. The point is that I would be having an Arabic debate, and I’m scared! I am horrible at Arabic. I have no idea what to do for the debate. Luckily Syahidah is a top student, so she would be a big help, but still. I have to participate. With my kind of luck, I might get to be the 2^nd 3^rd or 4^th speaker. I’m dreading it. Shoot.

Of course, it’s not our team’s turn for weeks to come.
But still.
Arabic!?!

.....

Three

2006-06-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

I just read ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’.
It was so sad!
I nearly cried.

.....

Recess today was harder than I thought it would be. I was recess-ing alone, and came down late (I accidentally took Anna's shoes, and vice versa, so I had to run up and down the stairs 3 times), so by the time I had bought my lunch, almost all the seats were taken. Going down was not an option, so I had to look for seats in the canteen. I had to look for an empty seat; then ask the nearest person if the seat was taken. Twice the person said that yes, it was, so I had to move on. Third time proved to be a charm, and even though I was 'rejected' only twice, it was an awkward an embarrassing process, though no one probably watched me, so no one probably cared. Still.

And because there wasn't anybody to talk to, I ended up listening into other people's conversations. I know, not very nice of me. But it wasn't as if I even understood what they were talking about anyway. The only sentences that I understood were

Person A: Kau carik gaduh je eh!
Person B: Tengah marah ape! Lagi pun, nanti die slalu call balik cakap sorry.
{Persons A B and C laugh, right on cue)

and

Person A: Aku kene marah dengan Zah so-and-so ah.
Person B: Ish!
Person A: Depan satu klass!
Person C: Siak ah!

Stuff like that.

By the time I was done with eating, and had headed upstairs, I was pleased to find the class strangely quiet. Nothing like peace.

(Later on Mas and Fiq approached me.
"Why didn’t you recess with us?" Fiq asked with a pout, "We were waiting for you!"
"Recess ngan kiteorang lah Dee!" Mas chided.

I just smiled. I had no idea what to reply.
I have no idea what to do tomorrow, either)

I also went cycling today. Again, alone. Fortunately, it was better than how I expected it to be, if it was any better in the first place. But the feeling still didn't prove to be any different, because with so many people around, and with such a small and limited place to cycle, I was uncomfortable. Being alone was no fun. Then I remembered what I read in the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. Morrie said:

"...Loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow, feel it completely – but eventually be able to say 'All right, that was my moment of loneliness. I’m not afraid of being lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside and know that there are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well.'

“Detach.”

So I (tried, anyway) to detach. I stopped thinking about how lonely I was and tried to capture all the sights and sounds around me. I know I know, very sappy. But I'm supposed to be honest here, right? So I'm telling you, that's what I did. The rhythm went like this: down the curved slopes, then there's the sound of the sand crunching beneath the tires. There's the wind rushing, and the sound of gears turning. I brush my head past a huge overhanging fern with a swish, and I cycle around the playground. The seesaw would go thump thump as a kid jumps on it, then I cycle to the curved slopes all the way again, and restart the cycle.

I don't blame you if you skipped that cycle part, by the way. I know I would if it was me reading it.

Anyway, moments later, I checked the time. 15 minutes in! Maybe you're thinking 'You're only half of half an hour through', but considering that I only had half an hour to cycle, it seemed pretty fast. I thought only 5 minutes had gone! I felt content. Who said time always drags by when you’re not having fun?

.....

Two

2006-06-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

I am fasting.And I am hungry.But I refuse to surrender!

.....

'Ok, bye.'
'Bye Ma.'
After getting out of the car, Lily and I walked down the familiar route towards the school building. Everything looked and felt the same. Even the stray cats were there to welcome us, just like they used to do. I wondered how they ate when no one was around, and if any of them starved to death.

Around 15 minutes later, I trudged up the school stairs along with a teacher (who unlocked the doors) and a dozen other students behind me. Zahira was among them, an Huda, too. As we noisily walked up, shouldering our bags and books, I noticed how, again, everything was just the same as before. 'Even the smell is the same,' we joked. Not that it smelled too bad or anything.

Being one of the first three people to arrive in my class, I had a good look of how it was left before the holidays. Our class was in a pretty bad mess. There were a lot more tables than there usually were, strewn anywhere and everywhere in an improper way. It was hot, too, almost to point that the class felt muggy. There were words on the whiteboard that still hadn't been erased, and everything just looked abandoned. Zahira and I exchanged looks.

"Doesn't look very nice," I wittily commented. Zahira agreed.

But despite how shabby (for lack of better word) it looked, we cleaned it up anyway. In the end, even though the room was small and the extra tables that were pushed against the walls made it look even smaller, it looked just right. Like a second home.

Soon, the class became noisier but better as friends began to file in. There were a lot of greetings and grins, and conversations started right away. I found out that I was wrong into thinking that it was going to be a lonely term. Everything felt normal. Everything felt right.

During assembly, after reciting our prayers, the prinicipal came up to give her talk, or speech, whichever you prefer.
"She's smiling!" Mas, who stood beside me, pointed out excitedly.
To say she was smiling was an understatement. It was more like she was beaming. Widely. Which was why the first sentence she said to us seemed totally out of place.
"It's been a month since we saw each other," she began, "And yet already we are misbehaving, talking while the teacher infront is talking."It took me by such surprise that my mouth dropped open. Literally. Then I shut it again because 1) I did not want to look stupid, and 2) I did not want her to see me with my jaw hanging and ask me why I was so surprised. What was I going to say to that??

The first lesson was English, which was fun. We had 'dates' with friends, and I'd explain further about that, but I'm too lazy to. Then there was Science (the teacher did not come. -__-" At first I said 'Tau tak bawak buku!', then realised that, being the idiot that I am, had accidentally brought Loi's Science book instead of mine. Which meant that Cher not coming was a good thing. Which also meant that I shut up after that), and then Hadith, during which we had to write what we liked and what we didn't like about our class. When Zah called on my name to read what I liked about the class, I read aloud,

"This class is something like a second family. We all always support each other in whatever we do. If there is a class project to complete, we might argue, and there might be dissatisfactions, but we come to through in the end. We are happy together and sad together, and when you return to the same people everyday, it's almost like home."

I received quite some "Awwws" from the others. What can I say? I'm sappy.

By the end of the day, I was feeling pretty good, if not sliiiightly confused. I was really happy that Mus, the rest and I joked as per normal, which was great, but which also made me confused, because it felt exacly like before,when supposedly I wasn't a part of the gang. By the time I was on my way home, I had chalked up a list, albeit a short one.

If You're Not Someone's Close Friend Anymore, But You're Still Their Good Friend, and You Sit With Them, Then The Difference is Either:
1) You don't recess or go home with them anymore.
2) You don't share secrets.

That was all I could come up with. Barely any differences, so as far as I'm concerned, I'm all good.

.....

One

2006-06-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Right. School's tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. Much. Sure, it would be nice to see a couple of friends again, but that's pretty much where the pleasures end.

School's an okay enough place, but I had had a bad month before the school holidays, so I don't blame myself for being a tad pessimistic about going back. After all, I'm not part of my old 'gang' anymore, so I'm guessing that it might just be a lonely 2nd term. Which I cannot stand.

I don't know why I'm not part of the gang anymore... Ok scratch that. I do know. It's because Mus and I aren't as close as we used to be (she said that 'we shouldn't be close friends anymore' in an SMS). And because I'm no longer 'close friends' with Mus, I am no longer a part of the 'gang'.

See, there were, as of previously, 6 people in our gang: me, Mus, Mas, Fiq, Anna and Dinah. So when Mus and I weren't close anymore (putus hubungan. heheh. macam cerite drama), Mas stuck with Mus (cos they're bestfriends), Fiq stuck with Mus (cos she's closer to Mus than to me), Anna stuck with Fiq (cos they're bestfriends), and Dinah... stuck with the majority. I mean, would you choose a loner over your group of close friends? No, you wouldn't.

I still don't know how this started to unravel, though, but the way I see it, I figure that Mus and I just don't click anymore. Like someone said, we're poles apart. 'Opposites attract', sure. But there's opposites, and then there's Mus and me. And when I told her who won in the Amazing Race (we both supported the hippies, so she was the first and only one I SMS-ed. you know, to share the joy), I guess it was the final straw or something. How was I supposed to know that she couldn't stand people telling her who won before she watched it herself?

But we still talk, and we're still good friends, meaning to say we talk normally and don't avoid each other.I appreciate that from Muslihah, not acting like we did something wrong. I really do.

And I don't hold ANY grudges against Mus, or the others, either. I was half expecting this to happen, even; I was just waiting for it to drop on my head. Soreni, they gave me a lot of good memories, so I gratefully thank for that. Like I said, they're still good friends to me. Especially Mas.

So, it might not seem much, but that's the reason why I'm not looking forward to school (much).
There's also the studying part, of course, but ~~some things are better not said~~ not so much.

Besides. I still haven't found my timetable yet.