Sunday, July 30, 2006
Twenty-Two
Ok... so the password barrier is down.
I have no idea how it happened.
This would, hopefully, be temporary.
I'll have to figure out how to fix it.
When I bother.
.....
Ok, honestly? I have no idea what to talk about.
It's the same old, same old Sunday. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to finish my Maths homework, but not now. I don't know I'm so lazy to do Maths. I guess I just don't particularly care much about it, although that's not much of an excuse. I'm going to have to do it today, later rather than sooner.
At least I finished studying Tauhid already. Beats me why I always find it, well, easier than other subjects. Don't misunderstand though; it's not like it's my favourite subject or anything. But because Tauhid consists mostly of memorising, I do well in it. It's easier for me to memorise stuff rather than figure things out (like Maths, for example).
Hmm. That makes me sound kinda stupid. Like I can't use logic. Ahahaha. ^_^ Pape lah.
But my favourite subject is English. Strange thing is that I do only average for it during exams. Like, just an A, which is rather dissappointing. I love to write, see?
Thinking about it... English lessons are kinda boring. Okay, not boring, more like uneventful. We do excercises, and share comments on certain things, stuf like that. You know what I'd really love for English lessons? Books. You know, you're assigned to read certain classics, like Hamlet or To Kill a Mockingbird, instead of figuring out how to use past tense and adjectives.
So putting it that way... maybe English isn't my favourite subject. I like English, but it's just not a favourite subject of mine in school.
Sometimes, school can be a little boring. Oh, I know, it's very immature of me to say that. Oh, I know, school is very important for me future. But, I dunno - being the person that I am, I want things that are interesting. Exciting. I want to learn things that I like, that gets your interest, you know? Learning from textbooks and doing tests are sometimes just dragging.
But that's what I get, and there isn't really much I can do except, well, drag along with it. Studying, as Dinah said once, is something that gives people a sense of purpose.
But I'm still getting mixed feelings about school.
Maybe I'm just too eager to do interesting things.
Maybe I should just wait for the real time to come.
Maybe I should just enjoy studying for now.
Maybe I should....
Maybe...
.....
2:38 PM
Friday, July 28, 2006
Twenty-One
I think, if I can choose whatever it is I can be, I would like to be an acrobat.
If I can't fly, then flying in the air for a couple of seconds is the next best thing.
Plus, you get to do all these amazing stunts.
And people would go, "Wow. That's cool."
.....
Have you ever been praised by someone - I mean,
really praised by someone - and found that you're not quite sure what to say?
You can say 'Oh, don't be silly'. That way you would be humble.
Or you can say 'Thanks', which is, I think, one of the best replies to praises.
But me, I always get stuck with what to say, which is funny, considering I usually have a lot to say about nothing and everything.
I mean, okay, let's imagine here. You're sitting in your class, minding your own business, when someone starts off a conversation by saying to you, "I have a confession to make."
You're reading a book that time, and a really good one, too: 'My Sister's Keeper', by Jodi Picoult. Usually you don't like to be disturbed when you're reading, because you don't want to stop, but the tone of this person is very serious, and you know that you should listen. So you stop.
"What is it?" you say, intrigued despite yourself. A confession?
"It's just that," the person looks away for a second, then looks back at you, "I'm jealous of you."
You stared.
The person continues, "You've always been better at everything than me. Everything I can do, you can do twice as well." You try to interrupt, but she won't let you.
"Just let me continue," she says. And you do. So she does.
"I love to sing. But then it turned out that you can sing low notes so much better than I can.
I used to be good at drawing, too. When I was 11 or 12, I loved to draw all these cute pictures of girls and dresses, things like that. But then it turned out that you could draw better than I could. I stopped drawing.
I used to write poems all the time. Then I found that you write poems, too. You wrote them so well that I stopped writing poems because I got ashamed of mine compared to yours.
You're smart! Even though I work hard this year and got higher marks than you, you're still smart.
And there's running, of course. You're a good runner.
And you're so nice! Even though some weirdo or a geek at school talks to you, you'd laugh and treat them as you would to any other friend. Me, I can't even look at them in the eye.
When someone says something mean to me or bad about me, I want to scream, or burst into tears. I'm always affected. My emotions are always open and obvious. But you? You're strong. You fly by what they say. It's like you don't even care at all.
You're just... you're just an
all-rounder. And I'm jealous of you."
When someone says something like that to you. When someone has a bad day because they think that they're lower than you. When you tell her she's pretty but she doesn't believe you.
What are you supposed to say then?
.....
4:39 PM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Twenty
So, in the spirit of Japan-ness,
I borrowed a Japanese grammer book.
I have been looking for it for some time now, you know.
But the second chapter is so complicated!
Needs time to digest.
.....
So, here I am, reading this email I just got that goes like this (I don't know if you guys have read it or not):
Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.
>It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.
>
>This will cultimate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles
>of Earth.
>
>Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am . It will look like The
>Earth has 2 Moons. Don't Miss it.....
>
>The next time Mars may come this close only in 2287.
>
>NOTE: Share this with ur friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see
>it again
>The first thing I thought was : "How do THEY know the people we know won't be alive by the year 2287? Kalau ajal belom sampai macam mane?"
The second thing I thought of was: "Ni mesti bedek punye". I mean, I don't really believe everything that comes into the email. With no proof, I stand unconvinced. I'm a skeptic sometimes. I mean, the only chance I'll believe this is if Channel5 News reports on it or whatever. Then I'll believe. Because they can't be wrong, right?
Of course, not everything needs proof. But...
But....
Egh. I don't what 'but' lah. I'd blame my fasting and say I'm too tired to think, but the thing is I'm just having a writer's block. I'm plain stuck, is all. What else about seeing Mars and about emails that I can possible talk about??
So I should probably talk about something else.
I love reading. I believe I read well. Not as in pronounciation or anything. More like, you know, I read a lot.
And I love writing. I also (would like to) believe that I can write fairly well. Biase biase nye kind ah.
And I love drawing too. But drawing is the one thing I'm not entirely satisfied with.
Drawing a person (you know, like a cartoon) is not as easy as it looks. I think I do the shape of the face ok. And the hair I draw is ok, too.
But the eyes! And the nose! And the mouth! They're extremely difficult. I have yet to learn how to draw them properly. For now I just draw two black ovals for the eyes and lines for the mouth. Pathetic.
And the fingers! Allah made them a work of art. In fact, they're so beautiful and so delicate I can't seem to draw them right. What do I end up with? PPG kinda hands. They look like paws.
And don't even get me started on the legs!
And they way you position the 'people'!
.....
4:06 PM
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Nineteen
FINALLY.
The 'creating posts' page finishes loading.
What took it so long anyway?
Alamak, now kene rush.
.....
"Eh, die nye suare dah pecah!"
"Eh, a'ah lah!"
Now, don't get me wrong. That conversation between Mas and I was
not about some guys we were staring at in the MRT. It was more like we were
listening to some boys (about 12 years old, okay!) talking.
No lah, not because suare budak tu dah pecah (though, admittedly, it did sound funny, a 14 year old's voice coming from someone who looked 11. Or did I say 12?).
It was more because the 3 boys sitting infront of us were speaking Japanese.
Japanese!
I have a love for the language. I find it hard not to. Doesn't it just sound nice, rolling off people's tongues? Especially the double tts. Datte!
Anyway, I don't speak it very well, but Mas and I do know a little bit of Japanese. So when the boys said things like 'Nanda?' (meaning 'what is it?') or 'Yatta!' (meaning something like, 'Yessa!), Mas and I would go, 'Oh oh!' (meaning 'Oh oh I know what that means I'm so exicted oh my gosh I've heard of that word before and I
know what it means!!!').
Thinking back... we must have looked pretty obvious. I wonder what those kids thought.
"What if the kids think you guys are flirting with them, hmm?" Dinah hissed.
"Jangan nak merepek lah!"
I wouldn't be surprised though, the way we were holding back our excitement everytime they spoke something.
So interesting!
(Or, in Japanese, 'Omoshiroii!')
.....
5:08 PM
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Eighteen
I ran only once.
That was about 7 hours ago or so.
My feet are still aching though.
Wonder how long this will last?
.....
"This does not look too good," someone said.
I was sitting down on the side of the track behind the football field, with the other team members standing and sitting behind and beside me. I had to agree - things were looking quite grim. Two runners from our team were leading far ahead in the race when both fell just before reaching the finishing line. Not a good thing.
"At least Khairunnisa and Halimah won first place," I replied, looking around. A number of team members were already crying from the two runner's fall, which was kinda surprising. Who would thought that they would cry?
I must have looked real unconcerned compared to the others, because Sarah pointed out, "At least you don't look a little bit nervous."
I shrugged with a little smile, because it was kinda true. I looked down at my hands. They weren't shaking at all, which made me kinda confused in a way, because usually I'd be shaking and my heart would be pounding. My event - the 100m relay race - was up next, after all. But I felt strangely calm.
After a lot of waiting, the 100m relay runners were called. I glanced at Seri.
Now my heart was pounding a little bit more. Finally.
The four of us seperated. I walked over to my starting line with an elder sister, an anchor like me, albeit that she was the anchor for the 100m senior relay race, not the juniors.
"Good luck," she said.
"Thanks. You too."
Waiting at the starting line were around 2 officials, my Malay teacher, and the four other runners. I stood behind my yellow line and looked around. The number of students who came from Maarif was astounding. The only other school with a bigger audience than ours was, well, this other school which I probably shouldn't name, because I'm about to say that they were loud. They were loud. Which isn't a bad thing of course. You're supposed to be loud.
I saw Seri's figure standing way ahead of me, and the other two sisters in their own posititons. I pulled up my sleeves a little. This was it. All that training, all the running, is going to be compacted into this 1-minute-something seconds.
And then the race began! Schools screamed their loudest as the first runners pounded their feet on the curve of the track, swinging their arms hard. I kept my eyes on Seri, who was leading in 2nd. Then she quickly passed on to Kk Shaheirah (I don't know how to spell the name), who quickly overtook the previously leading runner. I rubbed my hands together. She had passed it to Kk Aisyah now! I held out left arm high behind me, vaguely aware of the screaming crowd.
Then Kk Aisyah came, in the lead! She slapped the baton into my hand, and for a split second I thought I was going to drop it. But then it was in my hands, and I was pushing my feet off into a start. As I ran, arms swinging and head held up, I felt my adrenaline rush through me. The race, my part of the race, was on!
The next thing that happened was all a blur. I was running; I could hear the students screaming in anticipation, could see the officials in front of me; I had crossed the finishing line first; the crowd went wild! I jumped up and down and people I recognised streamed towards me, their face all mirror-ing the same expression. I saw Kk Han, Mas, Dinah, Seri, Fiq, Anna, Mus, everyone. We hugged, we jumped up and down, we yelled, we took photos, and
I signed autographs.
Ok, bedek.
But it was a really, really, really, nice feeling.
A lot of other things happened after that, so many of them that I don't really have time to type them all. Loi's team won second place. The teachers had their own 100m relay race (each of 4 teachers ran 25m, passing the baton. our school won btw). And Syakirah, Asmah, Sarah and Kk Amirah won the most beautiful race I had ever seen. Not that I had seen many races, of course, but still.
I also found out that our time for the 100m relay event (the one I was in) was 1:09. Considering that our practices had always been 1:20+, you gotta admit, the new time was pretty neat.
After everything had died down a little, the event was done, and most of the spectators went on home. I had to stay behind though; there was the parade dress rehearsal to, uh, rehearse. Not much happened, except that we had to stand on the field, sing the National Anthem, and march in front of an imaginary audience.
After that, we went home.
And here I am.
.....
4:08 PM
Friday, July 21, 2006
Seventeen
Pay close attention.
This is verry important.
You must remember this, alright?
Pythagora's Switch in japanese is Pitagora Suicchi......
Ok, so this is the first time I made a second post in a day in this third blog of mine.
Haha! Cool right cool right?
... Cool lah!
So, anyway. The first post was total blabberings about fake smiles (I don't know if you've read it or not). Now I'm going to post about the Track and Field Tournament. It's tomorrow!
(Btw, Loi is beside me picking her nose. I gave her a look, her finger stopped its work half-way, then she left.)
I'm having mixed feelings about it. I'm excited about it, because I love the sensation of running, but I'm also nervous. What if the other schools' are faster? What if I lose? What if I'm in the lead, and I drop the baton, and I come in last place because of it?
(When I said mixed feelings, by the way, I was talking about the tournament. Not about Loi picking her nose.)
Ish. Takot kalah seh.
I know. I should give myself a little bit of credit. I mean, my team's one of the best in school, right? That's why we're here in the first place. Because we can win!
All the same, note to self: must not be too overconfident. Keep left arm high behind you. Take the baton quickly, run! Don't drop it! Runrunrun! Nothing else to it now! Hands slice the air, run on your toes! Swing your arms, don't hold the baton like a torch! Push your legs, pushpushpush!!!!, and... waaaaa! The baby's out! Well done!!
Eh. I mean:
Push your legs, pushpushpush!!! and... reach the finishing line and into HunnyBunny's outstreched arms! Alright! I finished the race!
Yup. Must definetely note to self: must not be too overconfident.
4:16 PM
Sixteen
Sometimes I get annoyed.
And sometimes, I get irritated (which basically means the same thing).
But most of the time, I just let it go.
Which makes me feel like a pretty nice person.
.....
Dinah and I talked about how, sometimes, someone's joke can be annoying or not at all funny, and how we would be torn then on whether we should laugh or not. Generally, we laugh because if we don't we'd look rude or dumb, but if we do, then our laughs would just be, well, fake. And generally, people don't like fake laughs. And personally, I don't like fake-laughing, either.
But I'd rather laugh, of course. Just for the sake of not hurting the other person's feelings, and for the sake of not looking down. You know, he who laughs last is slow, and all.
They say that you can tell if someone is really laughing or not by looking at their eyes. If they twinkle, then it means they really do enjoy the joke, or whatever it is that you said. If there isn't, then you should know what it means, eh?
Interestingly, fake laughs also happen on the internet. You know, on the MSN.
A conversation with a fake laugh would go like this:
Person A: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person B: I don't know, why?
Person A: Because he wanted to see the cow pee!
Person B: LOL!
Person B: ROTFLMAO!
Usually, generally, basically, when someone puts a LOL or a ROTFL or a ROTFLMAO, it means that they're just trying to be good listener and do what they're supposed to do, meaning that they have to laugh on cue. You can bet that they're not really laughing though. I know I don't.
Now, a conversation with a real laugh would go like this:
Person A: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Person B: I don't know, why?
Person A: Because he wanted to see the cow pee!
Person B: hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!
Because when someone really is laughing, he or she would want the other person to know that they find the joke really funny. See?
Of course, not every hahahahahahahahahahahahahah guarantees real laughter on the other side. I'm just talking about myself. As usual. But that's ok, right? I mean, that's the whole reason why-
Alamak, must go. Mama is home, and angry that the house is messy. She's very concious about the cleanliness of our house, even in my room, which I somtimes find strange because, well, it is
my room and
I am the one who has to live with the pigsty, but I guess Moms will be moms. Besides, I try not to complain. I know I'll say the same thing someday. When I grow up. And become a mum.
Hah!! (Real, sarcastic, laugh)
Pitagora Suicchi!
.....
4:00 PM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Fifteen
I excercised quite a lot today.
Running...
Badminton...
Batu Merah...
.....
Twice already I have been to Khairunnisa's Salon in two consecutive days. I went twice because she cut my hair wrongly the first time. There was a bald spot at the back of my head! I went again today to ask her to cover it up.
Hahahah ok bedek.
I did go yesterday to have my hair cut. After meeting Kakak at Tampines MRT Station (I went home with Loi after school and took only 10 minutes to get ready. Record time! Not bad eh?), we went to Kembangan together. Khairunnisa Salon is right across the station.
Kak Han was really excited ("I'mgonnagetmyhaircutI'mgonnagetmyhaircut!" I had to slap her to keep her quiet. Haha ok bedek), so I gentlewoman-ly let her have her hair cut first. The hairdresser was the same lady I had the last time I went to the salon. She's a friendly lady. She thought that Kk Han and I were twins though, which I guess is a compliment to Kk Han.
"I want a layered cut," she said when the hairdresser asked her, "Between my ears and shoulders."
The hairdresser started by clipping up her hair all over the face, which was funny because she looked as if she had pigtails. I told her so, too.
Soon I got bored with Kk Han pouting her lips at me in the mirror, so I walked around and read some magazines. Mostly those tabloid, gossip kinds. I didn't read too much because I was having this headache (I wonder if it's because I drank Mug before eating anything).
After about, say, 15 minutes or so (I'm not sure), it was my turn.
I had no idea what kind of style I wanted.
All I really want is shorter hair out of my neck's way.
"So what kind do you want?" Hairdresser asked.
"Umm..." I looked at Kk Han.
Help me!"Uh," Kk Han looked at me, "She wants a fringe. Same length as mine."
"Same length eh?" the Hairdresser asked for confirmation.
"Yeah," I replied. Sounded good enough.
Whatever goes.I did not look up once throughout the whole cutting process, partly because I was afraid that I might cry if I see my hairdo, but mostly because I couldn't stand seeing myself with ponytails. When it was almost over though, I just
had to look up.
Why is there a lump of hair on my head?? I wondered. I looked like a lohan.
But then she sprayed it, brushed it, smooothed it down, and then voila! I was done!
I have to say, I loked pretty good. Not too shabby, at least.
I grinned in the mirror at the hairdresser, and she grinned back.
So anyway. I went there again today because Loi was getting her haircut too.
She's actually really attached to her long hair, but she had to cut it anyway because, ehem, of a personal reason that she won't let me disclose.
Now, I'm all for being honest, but I'm not exactly lying or anything here, so I don't see why I shouldn't write that piece of information.
And that's it! My hair-cutting experience.
Loi says I look like Buttercup of the PPG.
Anna says I look like one of my drawings.
Frankly, I think my hair makes me look like a French Bon-Bon lady. I don't know what Bon-Bon means, of course, but it seems to fit.
Twice already I have been to Khairunnisa's Salon in two consecutive days, but I still don't know the hairdresser's name.
It sure isn't Khairunnisa though.
(I know because I asked)
.....
5:01 PM
Monday, July 17, 2006
Fourteen
I'm fasting again today.
I don't feel like talking much, so this will be short.
I'm pretty beat.
(Hmm. I felt like I've used this excuse before...)
.....
Two things I want to say today.
1) My IQ dropped today.
Now, contrary to rumours, popular belief, or the way I look, I actually become smarter everyday. Don't laugh, it's true. But today my IQ level dropped and a couple of brain cells died because I did what seems to me the most ridiculous English excercise I had ever had to do as of this year.
The excercise in the workbook went something like this:
Qn 4) The mountaineers could (sea, see) the mountain peak ahead of them.
You're supposed to figure out which one of the words is more appropriate.
Hmmmmm....
Wonder which one is the correct answer. Tough decision, don't you find?
2) Keep your patience in check.
Especially if you're fasting.
Like me.
Take today's bus ride to Kembangan Interchange, for example. We pressed the button to go down at Kembangan, but did he stop? Nooooo! (Loi said we pressed it late, but don't listen to her! Listen to me!)
We pressed again, frantically. We figured that, ok, maybe we should just drop off the next bus stop (which wasn't
too far) and walk the way back to the MRT Station.
But did he stop? Nooooo!
We had to wait in the bus alllll the way to Bedok MRT Station.
Mus and Dinah were so annoyed that they wrote down the SBS plate number.
You know, to complain.
Frankly, I wasn't that annoyed. It was pretty funny.
Besides, that driver was old. He's probably half-deaf or something.
Or maybe having a bad day? PMS PMS.
.....
4:18 PM
Friday, July 14, 2006
Thirteen
Running was brilliant.
It really does give you a sense of freedom.
Wrong timing given aside, of course.
That was slightly annoying.
.....
Mama was reading our (Kk Han's, Loi's and mine) blogs. She was pretty amused, actually, and watching her being amused over what we say amuses
me. Like the last post I wrote about how I dress for school later than usual. She went something like 'How can I live with these kind of people??'.
"Maybe I should write a blog myself," she said thoughtfully.
I agreed immediately. I mean, wouldn't it be neat?
Her hands hovered over the keyboard, pretending to type. "'The girls are in the NTUC, buying a birthday present for a friend,'" she says, "'And here I am in the car, boiling under the hot sun. Beside me is the smell of cow shit.'"
"Cow shit?"
"Cow dung," she corrected herself, and continued: "'What are those girls doing? Urgh!! Maybe I should leave now, leave them behind? No, can't. Their bags are inside. Urgh!! No, no - astaghfirullah halaziim. I must be more patient. But... ahhhh! Where are they??? Astaghfirullah...'"
My mother is a good story teller. She changes her voice intonation, and waves her arms around excitedly. You can tell she's having fun, too.
Wouldn't it be fun if my mother - parents, come to think of it - had blogs? Neat seh! I wonder what they think of me. Oooh!!
And I wonder what the blog address would be.
Motheroffive.blogspotcom?
.....
8:31 PM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Twelve
It's - let's see - 3:10 in the evening.
And I'm having - let's see - cereal.
Koko Crunch.
It really has a wonderful chocolatey taste.
.....
I have never really known whether I am a morning, evening, afternoon, or night person. I go to school in the morning, chill in the afternoon/evening, and do my homework and stuff at night. So which one am I, exactly?
Maybe I'm a morning person. I like early mornings. Very peaceful and quiet. I mean, morning is when you start doing all the important stuff right? (Most of the time) People go to work in the morning. Students go to work in the morning. Birds (most) wake and sing in the morning. And I do some stuff in the morning.
I must be a morning person. I don't know why, but I must be.
I have a ritual every morning, you know. Not those burn-candles-and- dance-in-a-circle kind of ritual. Just something that I regularly do everyday. I do it over and over again, every morning. On weekdays, anyway.
First thing I do is wake up (who would have known!). Then I make myself Milo and two slices of bread. I eat. Sometimes I read while eating, but Mama would stop me. Next thing I do is pack my bag. Now, you have to understand that I pack my bag veeeeery slooooooooooowly. I like to take my own sweet time. There's also the chance that I might not be able to find a book or worksheet that I'm supposed to bring, so I get in a flurry. I have to be quick quick quick! Look on the shelves, under the bed, in the drawers, under that pile of clothes! Carik carik!
When and if I find the missing thing, I finish packing my bag. I check my handphone clock. Usually, I still have plenty of time to do whatever it is left that I need to do, but recently, I get late. So when I check my handphone clock: Alamak!! Dah pukul 6! Hurry!
I iron my clothes, bathe, leave the house. Meet Aba downstairs (he fetches the car), salam, wave byebye! Get in the car with Ma and Loi and drive off. Listen to IKIM.FM all the way to school (always and forever the tafisrul quraan segment). Mama drops us off at Mobile, we wave, then Loi and I walk the short distance to school. Help CikMilah, who is in the school driveway, pick the grocery bags. Then I help ZahZainab (she always comes with Cik Milah) carry her bags up to her office. We have small talk on the way up. When we reach her office, she gives me a biscuit or a chocolate bar as a show of thanks. (Recently she's been giving me Ferrero Roches. Neat)
I go up to class. It's empty, as always. Flick on the two light switches (I know exactly which now) and put down my shows and bag. Switch on the air-con. Erase the whiteboard and write the date. Then I sit down on my seat and either read a book or draw.
Next to come is (for most of the time) Zahira. We salam, sometimes talk a little. Then the rest come in: Fathin, Zakiyyah, Huda, Wahidah. The class wouldn't fill up with anymore people until about 7:15, when the students really start to pour in. And that's when my daily ritual ends.
So, that's about it.
I like the Morning Ritual.
It gives me a sense of purpose.
(I also have a Line-Up Ritual, but it's short. Maybe some other time)
Oh, and one more thing. I read in Seri's blog that she says '
What the heck is going on in this world of hypocrites, by the way? I've been observing several people, be it in class or the cyberworld. Hypocrisy and more hypocrisy. Geez. Why the pretence? Why? If you never really liked the ones you badmouthed about, then act like the real deal and stop faking every single move.'
She doesn't have a tagboard, so I'll say something here instead. You're probably never going to read this, Seri dear, but here's the thing.
Everyone is a hypocrite. But some people are simply more than others, I suppose. It's just that, majority of the people who are hypocrites don't realise that they are hypocrites. But they are. And it's not too bad a thing, so long as there aren't any bad intentions included.
Yes, people sometimes pretend to like someone when in fact, they actually don't. I don't think that's too wrong a thing either. Yes, it's cowardice. But I believe that it is also kindness. Sometimes you don't tell a person that you don't like him or her simply because you don't want to hurt his or her feelings.
Besides, did you tell these fake people that you don't like them being hypocrites? I doubt so.
Oh, I know you'll disagree and argue with me, Seri. That's okay. I'm just trying to be honest here.
Oh, Happy Birthday Kk Han!I gave you the flowers, as promised.And I also got you chocolates.You know, to make up for that one dollar windchime I bought for you during one of your birthdays.I still think the windchime is nice, though.Anyway, please don't say anything about how I arranged the flowers.I've heard it all from Aba and Loi already. So sad right?Ok, enough about me. Happt Birthday, you!.....
3:33 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
Eleven
Light is a tricky thing to understand.
How is it able to create reflections anyway?
Yes, I know that light bounces off the mirror and all...
But shouldn't it just shine or something??
....
Three Things Today That Made Me...
*Happy
"
Hmm... what made me happy today.... I can't really think of one. Not to say that I wasn't at all happy the whole day, but there wasn't anything that made me extra-happy than my usual happy, if you understand what I'm trying to say. But if I do had to point out three, the first would be when Zahira thanked me for writing 'Happy Birthday Zahira!' on the whiteboard. The second thing that made me happy was catching the 30 bus, and the last would be eating the kerangs me Tok brought home from Malaysia."*Annoyed
"
The first thing I was annoyed with today was when Kk Han cheered and giggled because Italy won. I was supporting France after all. The second thing that annoyed me was when Mus and Dinah were taking out 'chicken fats' from their bowls and going 'Eww, look at that'. I was indignant - I like chicken fats! - but said nothing. The third was when I was finishing my meal, and this cat came up to me meowing very persistently. She wouldn't take her eyes off me and attempted to jump on the chair beside me. She even followed me all the way to the dustbin. Annoying, but you had to feel sorry for her. I seriously wanted to feed her but thought against it. School rules and all."
*Laugh
"
When I tease Mas about her being blind, when Mus made her jokes, and when Dinah and Loi chased after the MRT like idiots. *laughs* I admit, I ran for a couple of seconds like an idiot too, but then stopped because it was obvious we weren't going to make it.
I told the other two that, but they didn't listen. Haha."
*Go "Oh shoot"
"
When France lost ( ; _ ; ), when I forgot to buy Zahira's present, and when I found out that I couldn't fast today because I'm having my period. Wasted pahala. Not only that, I don't get to save 2 bucks."
Another thing made me go "Oh shoot". I realised that three other close people (Kk Han, Dinah, and Anna) are waiting in line for me to buy them birthday presents. ALL in the
same week.
Shoot.
.....
Btw, Happy Birthday Zahira!
It's about time you joined the club, my friend.
3:50 PM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Ten
The road doesn't care what you look like,
Or what you do,
Or what you think.
All it cares is that you run every once in a while.
.....
Finding the day and time for track and field training that everyone is comfortable with is difficult, especially since I don't want to stay too late. Preferably till 6, max. It is in Queenstown, after all. It takes an hour or more to get there and back.
But running has been very satisfying. I like running on the track, so long as my tudung don't get flying onto my face. Must remember to pin it down next time.
I've been assigned, for lack of better word, to the 100-metre race. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I was among the fastest in the team. How nice! Kak Siti said that I had gotten fat (three cheers to family support!), but I don't really care. I'm still among the fastest! Hooray for me!
Aba lent me his sport shoes. Adidas. Quite heavy. I wonder if I would run faster with lighter shoes. Hmm. Must remember to try next time.
The adidas shoes belonged to my grandfather before he gave it to Baba. I think it's cool that I'm wearing hand-me-down shoes from my elders.
Training started much much later than it as supposed to yesterday. We had to be there by 4, but when Loi and I arrived on time, only one other kid was there. Annoying, actually, since I can't really tolerate late-comers. I'm kinda surprised that the sisters didn't lecture us.
And I only got to run twice. I want to run some more!
Btw, school tomorrow. Not much to look forward to.
.....
4:24 PM
Friday, July 07, 2006
Nine
I'm not really sure what to write.
Ok, actually I do know.
I'm just lazy, is all.
.....
The two things that happened today are:
1) Prop lost.
2) Me and Loi got through to the next round.
Of course, it goes without saying that there are many many
many other details, details of which I am too tired and too lazy to get into. Maybe some other time. Right now, all I want to do is chat with friends and just suurf the net.
9:05 AM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Eight
Sitting in the car.
Typing.
Sometimes you find pleasure in the strangest things.
Like just now.
.....
Last night, after my Isyak prayer, I prayed "Dear Allah. Please don't let me in the debate. I'm really tired of writing the script, as I'm sure you know. I feel like I deserve a break. So don't let me in, ok? You're the only one who can help me. Thanks."
(I know, not very formal or humble-ish at all. But I had no idea what exactly to say. Besides, I bet He knows what's in my heart)
This morning, after praying Subuh, I thought that maybe my prayer yesterday was a tad bit selfish. So I prayed something different.
"Dear Allah. Today's the big day. You know and I know that I said yesterday that I don't want to be in the debate. But I've decided that I'll accept fate IF you want me to enter. I mean, maybe that's best for the team right? Just, uh....... make sure I'm first or second speaker. Please. Thank you."
But who would have known that, watching the debate (yes, I wasn't chosen. amazing), I actually felt as if I
wanted to join? Strange, isn't it? It looked like fun, even though the debaters lips were blue, and their hands were shaking, and my stomach was flopping 15 minutes before as I wondered whether I would be debater or not.
Stranger still was the fact that I wanted to become
third speaker.
Weird!
But it did look like fun.
Maybe I just like to talk a lot.
.....
3:36 PM
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Seven
You know that day, on the running track, when I was about to run?
I looked up at the sky and smiled.
It looked the same as always.
Just like at home.
.....
Nothing very interesting happened at school today. It was monotonous, to say the least, not to much somewhat tiring. I think it's mainly because I was tired and half-sleepy. Yesterday had been a pretty hecitic day, and I had barely enough time to sit down and rest. I had to be really tenacious on keeping awake during the last lesson today. Which happened to be Maths, incidentally. Which was no help at all.
Ok, jokes aside, Maths wasn't really boring or anything. I was just sleepy, was all. Mus was too, and Dinah and Anna. You had to feel sorry for Teacher. I mean, she obviously noticed. I thought about how bad she might feel if she saw us all wilting right in front of her eyes during
her lesson, so I kept as alert and attentive as I could. Unfortunately, I also daydreamed a bit, but it wasn't for long, and I didn't miss anything important.
I can't help but daydream, ok! It's just a part of my system. I bet it's from thinking too much. Like, I think about graphs, then I'll think about businesses, then I'll think about my father (businessman), then I'll think about this show where the father blablabla, then I'll wonder if blablabla. But I'd snap back to attention pretty soon thinking
Oh shoot I daydreamed again.
I know, it's weird.
But I like it, somehow.
Stayed back after school to finish the debate scripts. In truth, it's not really done yet. There's part 3 of 3 left, but I've got the idea of it pretty much planned out in my head, so I should finish it before Maghrib. Shouldn't be
too hard.
Like I said, I think debates can be a bit too much of a fuss.
But I don't really mind writing the 'scripts'.
So long as I don't actually have to read it.
The tryouts went fine, btw. The results were supposed to be out today, but it wasn't posted. And the back of my thighs still hurt a little from running last Sunday. All the other 9 participants from my class have their legs hurting, too. If you go down the steps with us, and listen very closely, you might get to hear us mutter 'Owowowowowow' under our breaths for every step it takes. Just goes to show you just how many times we ran a year.
(This computer is so slow! Cannot watch PMK. Bloody computer)
(
So where the bloody hell are you?!?. Ha ha ha)
4:11 PM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Six
Kk Han said that reading about my recesses was sad/depressing.
I can't say no, though, can I?
Maybe I am a sad person.
Hoho!
.....
Actually ah, I don't really think of myself as a sad person to look at or to know.
Maybe that recess thing just needs getting used to.
And who says I can't recess downstairs with them, right? I can just sit near them or something.
It's no big deal.
So, anyway. Today's the tryouts, and I'm pretty nervous, but I try to be a little confident of myself. Who knows? Maybe I will make it. I wonder how long the practice is going to be. Probably after Asar. Someone said it was after 6. I hope not! It's only the tryouts, after all.
The rest of the family wanted to follow us to the stadium to watch us tryout, but Lily was very firm in that she didn't want them to come. She, Mama and Aba argued for awhile. My parents said that she should get used to having an audience; Loi said that they would laugh at us. My dad says, "Well, of course", and Lily goes, "See?". I didn't say anything. I just half-smiled. I mean, what can I do? It's not like we can stop them if they want to watch them.
But Lily won in the end. I think Aba was a little hurt, like we didn't want people seeing us with him together. Really, that's not it. At all.
I remember one time when he said to me, "One day you are going to be embarassed to be seen with me."
"Pssh," I waved his words away, "No I won't."
"Yes you will," he insisted with a knowing smile. I didn't say anything. His words were pretty sad. I just smiled and repeated in my head
I won't I won't I won't.
That was a couple of years ago. His premonition has yet to come true. I see no reason why I should be embrassed being seen with him.
I wonder if he's hurt. I hope not. If he is, then I'd rather he come. Just to make him feel better.
Speaking of feeling better, I thought about what it would be like if only one of us - meaning Loi and I - got through to the competition. I wonder if I will cry if only she gets through. How embarassing! The cryin part, I mean. Heck, I wonder if
she will cry if only I get through.
But I made a decision, though, thinking about it. If only I get through, and Lily doesn't, and she cries, then I'd quit the tournament. I mean, only if she wants me to, of course. I don't think I can stand entering the competition knowing that Lily feels sad or bad about it. If it comes down to that, then I'd sacrifice the competition and leave. You know, to make her feel better.
It's nothing heroic really. Sacrifice isn't always heroic. In this case, it's really just selfishness. Because if she feels bad, I'd feel bad too.
Hey, who knows? Maybe both of us will make it.
1:10 PM